Matter of Change
by hurricaneblast
Summary: Mikan was now entering the academy, after months of confusion and indecision. The problem was, what lied ahead. The past she tried to forget was the past that wouldn't let her. Meant to be? NxM
1. Decision

**Disclaimer: **Whoever said I owned Gakuen Alice was lying. XD

I don't own Gakuen Alice, ok? I'm not much of a genius for that.

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INTRO

_Life is not a fairy tale, nor does it always end in a 'happily ever after'. However, I do know for a fact that love conquers all barriers, no matter how impossible it may seem. _

_And the best thing about it is..._

_It doesn't need a fairy tale to make it happen._

_

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C H A P T E R 1- DECISION

As I felt the blistering heat of the sun, I looked at everywhere around me. The swaying trees that looked like it would fall soon, the really tall buildings, the small park near our house- I wanted something new. Something better, for a change.

It was the place I was most sick of, yet at the same time, the last place I wanted to leave. Every inch of it, I would miss. The wonderful feeling of home.

I had to shake off the feeling of sadness. The emotion was stopping me from leaving. Lingering on the past would only make it difficult for me to let go.

Thoughts of the past flickered in my mind- _Am I willing to forget everything?_

I shook my head, sure that it was not to run away that I agreed to go to Alice Academy. It was just change.

"Natsume," I whispered,"When will you come back?"

I wiped my tears away, for in doing that, I made sure that I was ready to face a different future. A different life.

"Not that it makes any difference," I mumbled to myself.

"He wouldn't show himself anyway..."

It had been three years, and I knew it was time to change. The story of my life was simple one, with no happy endings or magic that turned average people into princesses. Perhaps that was why I sought a change, to turn my ending into something happier. Life was a matter of choice after all. The story of my life was just this:  
One night, three years ago, my closest friend and the most important person to me, left. It was the biggest thing that I knew I had to face, the hardest thing I had to accept, and perhaps the one that had really changed the course of my life.

I was going to Alice Academy now. There's no turning back.

* * *

"Hotaru!" I said, hugging my best friend tightly. She was here in the academy's gates to guide me.

"You need to hurry up. Today is a weekend, students pretty much play around and do anything," Narumi-sensei said with urgence in his tone.

"Are you excited?" he asked, trying to lighten up the mood.

"Sort of. I... I don't know what to expect," I answered truthfully.

"There's not much likeable things in here. Just in case you want to know," Hotaru warned me.

"I know."

"You won't be able to contact your grandfather," Narumi-sensei said.

I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat before answering.

"I know."

"Not to mention the workload," Hotaru added.

I stared at her.

No one told me all about _that_. To be honest, I wasn't thinking of the homework, exams and all that. I didn't give any thought to it at all. It made my nervous. Maybe I didn't know enough. Did I have to do advanced study?

"This isn't just some 'I want change thing'. You'd have to _live_ in here," Hotaru stressed.

I just nodded, showing that I already knew all that. Knew it before my foot even stepped inside the academy's gates. I had also made my decision. I wasn't just going to study here. I was living here, staying with the people in here. Going to see their faces everyday. Be with the people I like, bear the people I don't. This was going to be my new home. And yet everything was just so foreign.

The academy wasn't anything like home at all. The atmosphere had a different feel. It was a little too public here that it made my feel slight discomfort. I didn't like it much, even though I expected it. It didn't mean that I wasn't ready, though, because in all truth, I was.

"Is it all right if you sleep with Hotaru first tonight? If you don't mind. The bedrooms are still being fixed. You can probably have it by tomorrow," Narumi sensei said.

"Yeah, I suppose."

I didn't really mind whichever bedroom I slept in. Did it really matter now that I was here and there were a million other things to ponder about?

"And before I forget," he added, taking something from his pocket.

"Here," he said, giving me something shiny and small. One by one he placed them in my palm, dropping them slowly.

I gasped in surprise.

"Three star?"

"You possess a valuable alice. Perhaps someday that also has chance of developing into something much more useful than it is now. By the way, I need to check out on the other students... See you around, Mikan-chan," he said, strolling off to the corridor. I waved him a quick good bye, and then sunk back into amazement with the fact that I was a three star.

"Your mouth's open," Hotaru commented after quite some time. I shut it, feeling my face go red.

"Don't you want to go in? I could lock you out if you want," Hotaru said.

"Oh.. Sorry," I said, embarrassed. I just realized that we had stood there for a whole two minutes, which she spent, watching me stare at my 3 golden stars.

"Is it really that great? It's just a rank, you know," Hotaru said, as she continued to watch me when she finished closing the door.

"Hotaru! How can you say that? You're a three star yourself!"

She shrugged.  
"It's much more difficult to determine one's worth, you know."

"Well, I think it's really cool," I said, sitting on Hotaru's couch. It was covered in white leather; the really bouncy ones that you liked to jump in. I bounced in my seat, and I did it all over again. It was fun.

"Don't do that," Hotaru said in a tired voice. She looked tired, too.

How much work had she been doing?

"You have a nice room, Hotaru. I wonder what mine would look like," I said, commenting on the room's elegance. It was enormous, kind of like the master bed rooms in the rooms you only thought you'd see in magazines. Very hotel-like.

"Fancy, no doubt," Hotaru replied.

There was so much to learn, so much to talk about, I could just jump from one topic to another.

"Hotaru, you're amazing. You've got the invention alice! I can't believe you never told me this, even before you entered the academy.

"It's nothing much. I just think of it as something like a skill."

"But you are amazing. I still can't get over the fact that my best friend is a genius."

"Whatever you say," Hotaru said, grabbing a carton of milk in the refrigerator. I could tell it wasn't an ordinary refrigerator, though. I smiled.

_Hotaru and her inventions._

"Want some?" she asked, as she poured milk carefully into a glass.

"No thanks," I said, pulling my head back and resting it, as I relaxed in the couch.

"So what happened?"

"What?" I asked in confusion.  
"When I left."

"Oh... Well, just, just.... lots of stuff."

She raised her eyebrows.

"You have all night to retell, and I've got all night to listen."

The fact made me realize that I really was, and truly with Hotaru now. Now I was here, and we could talk about things together, and I would have someone who would listen to me now that I was here in the academy. I felt comfort, as well as growing relief that I was now here with my best friend. We had been separated ever since she came to the academy. They were long lonely years. Well, not entirely. I had company. But I could not think about it any further.

I told Hotaru everything. Most of it, I told too quickly that I had to repeat myself again. I told her my everyday boredom and loneliness, skipping the parts where _he_ was involved. To talk about _him_, let alone to think about him was too risky. If I would think about anything in the past, I would probably burst into tears, and leave Hotaru suspicious. No, I could not let her know of the pain. I just hoped she wouldn't ask.

"So... What happened to _him_?"

She just asked the question I dreaded for her ask.

_Him_ was Natsume. The name was all I could handle as of now. Any more than that would be too much for me to bear.

"Lots... Lots of things happened. You know, this and that... And... Things aren't what they used to..to be anymore, Hotaru."

Hotaru did not press for more questions to my relief. Maybe she heard something in my tone that made her realize it was not something I wanted to talk about. Not right now.

I looked on the round clock that was stuck right on top of Hotaru's study table. It was 11:45 pm now, a little over an hour after I had arrived.  
"Oh, it's almost 12pm. Funny how time flew so fast," I said.

"You sleepy?" Hotaru asked.

Although I felt really sleepy, I didn't want to admit it yet. This was the first time in a long time that I had the chance to talk again to Hotaru. Sleeping meant that time was passing fast, and it felt like such a waste to spend it lying down.

"No," I said, but then I yawned 2 seconds later, which then gave the lie away. I wasn't a good actress to begin with, anyway. My 'no' already sounded doubtful the moment I spoke it.

"On the left," Hotaru said, when I went to the right side of the bed. I nodded in understanding.

Once we took our position, I turned all the lights off.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Hotaru asked before I reached the bed.

"What?" I asked in bewilderment. I thought carefully about what I had last done.

Then I remembered.

I groaned. Hotaru liked having the lights open.

"You're sleeping in my room, you'll have to deal with it," Hotaru said. It was dark, but I could already imagine the smirk on her face. I turned the switch on unwillingly.

I remembered that in the past, with Hotaru, that I always used to close the lights, but in the morning I found it open. It turned out that Hotaru turned it on in the middle of the night. I just couldn't understand why. I mean, Hotaru wasn't really scared of the dark. She wasn't really scared of anything, actually. I shook my head, failing to understand why she liked lights left open.

I went back to bed, as I tried to get rid of the thoughts that filled my mind, and then slowly, I sank into unconsciousness.

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**LOL. I'm like, 'this is the first chapter. Gotta get a good impression", haha…Next chapter won't be so Hotaru focused, btw. It's just like that because it's the first chapter and all that.**

**So how is it? Don't forget to make a review ,k? Say what you like, say what you dislike, give constructive criticism. Say 'update faster'. It encourages me to update. LOL.**

**Nah, don't say that. It's going to make me rush. Anyway, I'm looking forward to writing more of this fic. I'll try to update as soon as I can, which probably won't be any time this coming week.**

**School's just started. ;D **


	2. Imagination or realization?

**Disclaimer: **Let's make it all clear, ok? I don't own Gakuen Alice. How could I? I couldn't possibly come up with something_ that_ good. ^^

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_~This chapter is dedicated to my first reviewer ;D_

_Thank you so much for the motivation.~_

_

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2.)** C H A P T E R 2- IMAGINATION OR REALIZATION?**

"Hey, don't do that..."

I was awoken by something that hit me hard in the head. Luckily, I was too sleepy to feel much pain.

"Are you ever going to get out of bed or do I have to throw a bucket of water in?"

"Go away, Hotaru," I mumbled, tossing to the other side of the bed.

"It's ice cold," Hotaru said even louder.

_Urgh- Ice cold water. _

I knew that Hotaru sometimes made her own threats into action. I wasn't going to risk shivering in the cold because I didn't wake up.

I sat upright in bed quickly. It was a speed she couldn't complain about.

"I'm awake now... No need for that," I told her warily. I yawned.

Good thing I thought of waking up. Hotaru, true to her word, readily had a plastic bucket carried with both her hands, the ice cubes still in sight.

I swallowed nervously when I thought about what could have happened if I did not listen. I was just so glad I did.

Her eyebrows raised, doubtful.

"Hurry and get out of bed then. We're going to be late," Hotaru said, taking the bucket away.

"With the ice cubes still in, huh?" I said, stretching my arms, ready to get out of bed.

"Just in case. You wouldn't wake up with the normal alarms," Hotaru said, shrugging.

* * *

Alice Academy was beautiful of course, there was no denying that. It was big, too big, in fact, that I wondered if I would get lost anytime soon. My hunch was a definite yes. I'd never been good with geography to begin with. How long would it take for me to get familiar with my surroundings?

I didn't know what to expect with Alice Academy. I didn't know if my alice was good enough to be accepted here. Maybe the whole 3-star thing was a big mistake.

Even worse, the school's map was way confusing. I couldn't figure out where the rooms were. Hotaru had a different class to go to today. My first class was History. It was room 403.

After 5 minutes of hopeless searching, I gave up. It felt like I was going in circles. I had to ask someone where room 403 was. Soon.

I immediately asked for directions from the first person I found.

"Excuse me, where is room-"

Before I even finished my sentence, he cut across me:

"Oh, just go straight. First door in the right. It's hidden because it's a special room. I'm going there too."

"Right. Thanks. Don't know how you knew the room, but my name's Mikan Sakura by the way," I said, offering my hand to shake.

"Kokoro Yome," he said, taking it.

"Nice to meet you."

"You new?"

"Yeah… This school is just so big, it's too easy to get lost," I replied.

"Ah..."

Then after a pause, he added:

"I got lost too on my first day here."

"Really?" I asked, a little hopeful. Maybe getting lost was justing natural in here- something new students usually experience.

"Yup. The coincidence is, it's the same room we're heading for," he said, grinning.

"Oh. It must be a room people usually get lost finding. Is that how you knew what room I was looking for?"

"Uh… No. Not exactly."

"Then how-"

"We're here," he said, opening the door, interrupting me.

I was expecting a classroom that was full of students, but I was wrong. Behind that door was an empty room with a huge curtained window, that I thought he must have made a mistake. However, he slid the curtain, and I realized that it wasn't actually a curtained _window_, but a door. He knocked twice, then opened it.

"You're late," came the booming voice of an adult right after we came in.

"I was showing the new student directions to this room, sir," Koko replied in defense. His eyes narrowed before he uttered a sharp "Take your seats now". He didn't even bother to let me introduce myself in class, to my relief. I didn't seat next to Koko, because apparently, I was already assigned to sit next to someone. I wasn't sitting next to anyone today though. The seat next to me was empty. There was a blonde-haired guy seated next to the person supposed to be next to me. It was a three-seater seat. He was carrying a bunny, so maybe his alice had something to do with animals, or maybe rabbits in particular. "He's not here today," the blonde-haired guy said all of a sudden.

"Who?" I asked in bewilderment.

"The person sitting next to us."

He must've caught me looking at the empty seat next to me.

"Oh. Some sort of fever?" I asked in interest.

"Probably worse," he paused, and then, added, "Oh, sorry. You must be wondering who I am. My name's Ruka Nogi, by the way," he said, slightly abashed.

"I'm Mikan Sakura."

"You're new, right?" he asked in interest.

"Yeah. I just transferred yesterday night."

The conversation died off when the teacher wrote notes for us to copy, which left us no time to do much talking.

The rest of the lessons followed the same pattern, except the difference was, I had to introduce myself in my last class, English.

"My name's Mikan Sakura and I have the Nullification Alice. It's nice to meet you all."

"I heard that's a rare alice. You're in the special abilities class, right?" said one guy.

"Yeah."

"What's your star rank?" said a girl, with hair that looked close to seaweed.

"I'm a three star," I replied. It really felt like an interrogation, where everybody shot questions at you and you feel like you have to think of an answer fast, or they'd all grumble until you have no choice but to answer.

"Cool, can you test out your alice?"

"I... I guess so," I said, startled. I didn't exactly expect someone to ask me to use my alice straight out in front of everybody. It felt really uncomfortable.

"You can nullify my alice," suggested Koko.

"What? But… Yome-"

"Just call me Koko. It's fine, you can Nullify my alice," he said, smiling broadly.

"Uh… OK."

I didn't know what Koko would do, and neither of us moved, but I prepared myself and used my alice.

"Koko, is it working?" someone asked.

Koko frowned and slowly answered, "My alice sure isn't working."

_'Isn't working'? What did he do? He didn't even move a muscle._

"Wow, Sakura-san is amazing!" said one girl.

"It's a first," said Koko. "Every single time I use my alice, it always works with everyone," he shrugged.

"My name's Sumire Shouda," introduced the girl who asked my star rank earlier, with hands on her hips.

I was too caught up staring at her weird hairstyle, that I wasn't able to think before the word came out of my mouth: "Perm."

I blushed quickly, embarrassed. I figured out she didn't mind that much, but I figured it must have sounded weird to hear somebody being called Perm, because I saw her look at everybody's reaction, with an expression that looked like worry. I could instantly tell that she cared about reputation.

Luckily, nobody heard my embarrassing remark.

"What kind of nickname is that?"

I looked at everyone else. Mostly, people were staring with awe, some were busy fiddling with their hair or nails, and the rest were talking to their friends. The staring part, though, was the problem.

Way before I joined the class, I had told myself to blend in, become part of the crowd. Too bad I hadn't been part of it. As always, I was the odd one out. The one who sticks out, the one who always gets noticed... I didn't really like attention. It made me feel discomfort.

* * *

Students in the academy seemed so bright and care-free.

There were a group of students that played volleyball, others went swimming, while others were busy studying. (Exams were said to be a fortnight away).

I wanted a tour in the school, but that was all cancelled, and I blamed it on the absence of my partner. I, supposedly, had a partner in class who was supposed to show me around the school. He was away today, so I decided to go on a tour myself. I was itching to learn and discover as many thing as I can. Why should it be delayed because of a some partner who wasn't fit enough to attend class?

I decided that my first destination for today was the library. I wasn't a bookworm (in fact, long books bored me) but books in the academy were very interesting to read. The library was fairly close and easy to find, so it did not take me long to locate it. This was really the first time I was involved in something… magical, so naturally, the books captured my interest.

On the way to the library, I found posters for some sort of election that read:

"_Vote for me, don't be slow like a snail… _

_And you'll be on top of the popularity scale. _

_LUNA KOIZUMI"_

I nearly laughed out loud, but I was already near the library, so I kept quiet.

The poster looked like some joke. It sounded really silly, too.

The moment I entered the library, I was instantly able to recognize Sumire seated in the library seats, writing something. The library was full, and everyone had a seat.

"Hi Permy," I greeted her with a bright smile.

"Perm...my?" she said, looking at me, distracted from her writing.

"Yeah. I figured maybe you didn't like Perm, so I slightly changed it and added a 'y', so it sounds more like a nickname," I said cheerfully.

"I still don't like it," she muttered under her breath.

As if she saw something unpleasant behind me, her expression changed and turned into annoyance.

"Oh, for goodness sake…" Sumire dropped her pen noiselessly, and walked behind me. At first I thought she was going to grab a book in the shelf, but then she headed straight for the wall.

I saw her grab a poster from the wall and watched her rip it into shreds.

"Her schemes are not going to work," she muttered under her breath.

"Permy?"

"Y-yeah?" she asked, not looking at me. She threw the pieces of paper into the trash can, and rubbed her hands in keen satisfaction.

"That poster… Why did you…?"

"That's nothing. Just doing my job." I could tell from her tone that she just wanted me to forget about what I saw. Of course, it wasn't easy. It's not like you could forget things by will.

"My, my. How… repulsive. Ripping it off like some cat-like creature. That was just newly printed, too. Guess I'll just have to print some more," said one girl with a laugh as she passed by.

I felt Sumire freeze, when I realized that it must have been her, that the girl was talking about. "You can laugh at me too. I'm pathetic."

"You are not," I protested.

"Ripping all the posters I can? How is that not stupid?" she said, sounding like she was cursing herself rather than talking to me.

"I managed to look at one of the posters. Although I didn't really understand what it's all about, Sumire," I said, saying her name straight out for the first time, "Her tactics are not fair."

"You don't think I'm… Pathetic? Saku-"

"No, no. You can just call me Mikan," I said before she even finished.

"Thank you. I think you might be the first person who believes that."

She smiled at me for the first time, and I hoped that we would be good friends.

I wasn't paying much attention to what was around me. I suddenly heard two bounces, and then something hit my head.

"Ouch."

I saw a tennis ball bounce all the way under the table.

"Careless tennis players," I uttered.

I came to reach the ball under the table, when I my mind was able to absorb a number of of details at once… The table had a complete view of the doorway and the library, with shelves on all the sides filled with all sorts of books, some, dusty from sitting, untouched, on the same shelf for years… All of a sudden, with a horror and a mix of other emotions that was unclear at that moment, I didn't know if it was a fragment of my imagination or whether I really did see _him_, but there I saw a figure. A figure so familiar, sorely missed, yet least wanted to be thought of. A figure that brought a flicker of the emotion I thought I've long lost. Happiness. I wanted to see him again, yet I didn't want to hope at all.

The figure walked past the door. He was gone. As if he personally just stood in front of the door to annoy the hell out of me.

I heard someone say something, but I didn't know what it meant- my mind suddenly went blank. I couldn't even remember where I was.

I was only able to gain back my bearings when Sumire shook me by the shoulders. By this time, I was sitting in the one of the library seats far away from the table, and I looked at everyone around me. Everyone had worried expressions, except Hotaru, who had just looked up, who had seemed to be working on her the finishing touches of her latest invention. She had a book open and looked up with an innocent expression.

"How did I get here so fast?" I asked straight away.

"Fast?! Mikan, it took us like, several minutes," Sumire replied indignantly.

"Well, you hit your head… Then you sort of lost balance, so Sumire and I had to go support you and everything. And to think that there were no other free seats around… Koko had to blackmail some 1 star," Ruka supplied.

"Hey, you think I liked that? Hotaru said she'd use her baka-gun on me," retorted Koko.

Ignoring the conversation that was forming around me, I shut my eyes tight, trying to

remember as much detail as I can...

"Hey… Sakura-san? Are you OK? What happened?" asked Ruka, in concern. The others were still arguing.

"Nothing. I just thought I saw someone I knew..."

I scrambled to my feet. I tried to sum everything up in my head, but I just couldn't make sense of everthing. What did I just see? Was I going crazy now? Was this a symbol of insanity? Was he really here?

I shook my head. That was next to impossible.

I tried to focus; to set my mind back to reality. Ruka seemed to believe me, because he looked more relaxed now, as he talked to Koko.

I closed my eyes, thinking. That was just it, I _had to think. _

I did say '_Nothing_', but I knew only too well that it wasn't something that I was likely to forget anytime soon.

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**Finally. Second chapter is finished. Anyway, it came out sooner than expected. Again, thanks to my first reviewer (you know who you are =P),really appreciate your review. Sorry if ever this chapter came out a disappointment.**

**As always, everyone, don't forget to review. Ever review **_**does**_** matter. To me at least. Thanks! ^^**


	3. Coincidence

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Gakuen Alice and don't think I ever will. Yes, life is sad. :'0

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C H A P T E R 3- **C O I N C I D E N C E**

_He could not be here. He could not be here._

I didn't understand why it was necessary to repeat the words, but I found myself thinking of them over and over again.

Of course he isn't here. How can he be? This is Alice Academy. He's a normal human being. Perfectly Aliceless.

I scowled in annoyance. Because of him, I was making up my own words now. Great.

So what was I doing right now?

Waiting for Hotaru to go test out her invention. I didn't quite catch the name, but it was meant to do 'miracle cleaning'. Or something like that. I didn't know where the inspiration came from. I just hoped it wasn't from something stupid or idiotic. But then again, even then, her inventions were still great.

Her invention turned out to be some sort of giant scissors, that when used, it goes on by itself with a cutting motion, and goes around the whole preferred area, that everything was clean. Place cleared of dust, stain, or any form of dirt. When I asked about her inspiration, she replied "The spread of idiocy."

It appears that it doesn't only cut clean places and objects, but it cleans a person or area from all the baka germs. Amusing.

This morning's incident did not exactly leave my mind, which was why I needed other things to do. Spending my time with Hotaru seemed like the best thing to do, so I seized the opportunity once she asked me.

"Hey," Hotaru said, once she finished experimenting with her invention.  
I was sitting in her couch, the one I sat in on my very first day in the academy.

"Ho-hotaru!"

"You're thinking about _him,_" it was not a question, it was a straight out assumption.... And she had assumed right.

"You still remember..."

"I wasn't likely to forget the first time you came crying to me because of a guy," she said with an evil grin.

"Hmmp. You haven't changed at all," I said, slightly annoyed.

"And he wasn't just a guy," I added, "He was my best friend."

"Friend," Hotaru snorted.  
"Well, he was."

"Why the past tense?"

"Does that really matter?" I asked, trying to think of ways to end the conversation. Natsume was not someone I was eager to talk about right now, let alone, think about.

"Apparently, my best friend head is invaded by _him_, and she thinks it doesn't matter," Hotaru teased.

"Hotaru. I don't... I don't want to talk about him okay? Please let it drop."

"You know issues left alone won't get solved."

"Oh no, it's not me who needs to leave the issues alone. Issues seem to hunt me, so I'm pretty sure it would get solved soon," I answered after careful consideration. I was pretty sure I'd have to face these issues sooner, which meant I had to solve it.

"Be sure when it does, it won't take you by surprise," said Hotaru, and I thought of these words, repeating them in my head. For some reason, I had a dreadful premonition that it would come true.

* * *

I returned to my room (which Narumi-sensei showed me early this morning) when I realized I was feeling even more tired than I was willing to admit. I went straight to bed, and yawned. I looked around the room for the last time in the day: It was enormous. Everything was just so neat and tidy. It had a nice hotel-like look. I liked it.

The library incident as well as having a new room was too much to absorb for one day.

I closed my eyes, trying to block all things out. Not that it worked. Rather than helping me fall asleep, the blackness only made me think of more things. It was too easy to think of anything when your eyes were shut. It didn't really make things any easier. It was better than having your eyes open, though. Having them open only meant that there was nothing to stare at but the plain ceiling. But then again, what was the difference anyway? Both plain and inviting a cloud of thoughts to enter my head.

The most irritating thing about sleeping, was that when I tried to concentrate on sleeping, thoughts of the day just kept crashing down on me. Like missiles that shot non-stop. There was no escape.

So many thoughts. So many things to look forward to. The thoughts entered my mind like a slideshow. Screenshots of everything that happened in the day. The week. The course of 3 solid years.

Hotaru. Koko. Sumire. The life in the Academy.

And the very last thought that entered my mind… Natsume.

* * *

He spoke those words again. The ones that got me every single time, nearly drove me to insanity. The ones that just never failed to construct hope to the heart I've fought to be kept frozen for months. 'Don't worry' he said, so clearly I almost nearly believed him. I wish it was _that _simple. Right now, hope is just an unwelcome visitor I have no desire to invite. Not anymore. Not when you know it's just about to be shattered. So what was the point?

"Don't worry," he spoke, as he reached out for me… But the gap never closed.. He never came any nearer… Instead, he seemed to go further away. Away from me.

That was when I woke up.

"Another dream," I said, shaking my head. I looked at the clock in my bedside table. It was 5:13am now and I laid back down in bed. I tried to make myself sleep, but I just couldn't. The figure I saw yesterday kept going back to me again and again and now I felt certain that I_ did _see him. There was no other way to explain what I saw. I couldn't possibly be mistaken. I wasn't the type to make those kind of mistakes, either.

But Natsume in Alice Academy? How is it possible that Natsume was here? He wasn't. He couldn't. Was he? Destiny and fate was too small to cover me. It only covered princesses in fairy tales and main characters in shoujo mangas- but not me.

But Maybe...

The unfinished thought invited a ton of other thoughts, and suddenly everything was spinning around, thought after thought...

I laid back down in bed again, but I kept tossing and turning for a long time, until I realized that it was bright enough inside my room. The brightness alerted me that I should get out of bed because it was time for me to get up. I spent hours trying to sleep. I fixed my bed neatly, in no hurry to prepare. It was still too early.

I did everything slowly, but I still had 30 minutes to spare.

I used my 30 minutes to go to the library, which was always open very early in the morning. I had borrowed a third book by now. I haven't even finished two of my other books. They weren't thick books, though, they were fairly reasonable in length. I spent 10 minutes of just walking around the library, and 20 minutes of reading in my third book. Nothing magical was dull anymore.

By the time I finished reading, I quickly went to my classroom.

When I opened the door of the classroom, I was shocked.

The last time I've been to class, every student was quiet and sat obediently in their seats. The class that faced me now was the complete opposite. Noisy and disorderly, the classroom was in complete chaos.

Students were recklessly using their alice and playing with them, the class president was bullied...

"What… What is going on?" I asked Koko in horror.

"This is the how the class is, normally."

"But last time…"

"When the teachers are around, we have to act the model students."

"Oh."

I sat on my seat, only to find that the seat next to me was now taken. This guy must've been the one absent last week, so I didn't get to see him. This guy was my partner.

Too bad I already toured the school. He didn't have much to do.

He had a manga laid open on his face. He looked like he was sleeping, so I didn't introduce myself to make unnecessary noise. I took the first book I borrowed out instead, since books in this school were fascinating to read.

I was halfway flipping a page when I was distracted by screaming and non-stop squealing of what seemed like 99% of the girls in the class.

As if the loud noises weren't enough to hold my attention, on top voice, they mentioned a name that struck a chord. They said _his_ name. It was the name I grew used to for years, yet it felt so distant… But I knew it just couldn't be true.

"NATSUME-KUN!"

A Natsume in class. Coincidence?

"I WANT TO SIT NEXT TO NATSUME-KUN!"

"No way, didn't you hear? The new student's sitting next to him!"

"NO, I'M GOING TO SIT NEXT TO HIM!"

"NO, ME!"

"You know, last week was really boring," I heard a girl said. The voice was familiar… I turned to see that it was Sumire Shouda.

"Yeah, it was dreary. Natsume-kun was absent," Sumire said with a sigh.

"KYYYYAAAAA- Natsume-kun, choose me!"

"Baka. Don't you understand? Natsume doesn't get the choice, teachers do."

"NO, I WANT TO SIT NEXT TO- WAAAAAAaaaa!!! My clothes are on fire! PUT IT OUT!! PUT IT OUT! I'm BURNING!"

Haha... Hearing the conversation over this "Natsume-kun" was actually pretty amusing. The fan girl was literally burning. All because of-

I turned to my right and saw him. It was the same familiar face I would be able to recognize _anywhere_. The familiarity brought comfort, and the feeling of relief. In many ways he was so different, but he was also the same person I used to know.

If I was not so surprised I would have asked him how he was all these years, what he had been doing, where he has been... But the most I could do right now was gape.

It was_him, right now, sitting right beside me._

_

* * *

_

**Yay! They've met. They've met. xd**

**Anyway, at last. Finished the 3rd chapter. Now off to the next...**


	4. Angry

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Gakuen Alice and never shall. Sorry to disappoint you, though. ;D

* * *

Chapter 4- **A N G R Y**

I was annoyed. Very, very annoyed. For one thing, Hotaru never mentioned that Natsume entered the academy. How could she conceal this from me, her best friend?

_She knew it all along._

What did she want? To take pictures of my depression? Or perhaps it was just plain interest on what was going to happen.

We were going to have to talk. Soon.

The other reason was just plain obvious. The freaking Natsume Hyuuga, the one who didn't bother to visit me, or contact me, vanished without a trace, and left so much as a piece of paper saying "Goodbye" leaving only a weird stone, was sitting right next to me. Right next to ME. His manga just slid off his face, and he was B-U-S-T-E-D.

It was so unexpected to find him right here in Alice Academy that I was at a lost for words. Many times I have dreamt of him, have longed to see him. Yet there he was now, right in front of my eyes. I had so many questions to ask, so many things to tell… And yet, I knew, it just wasn't the same. Not anymore.

It was a sight that I could not forget. I was so happy I could've cried. I was also so angry, I could've gone into an argument with him straight away.... I felt a mix of emotions, some of them, I could not name, nor could I comprehend. However, if one thing was for certain, it was a fact that I missed him.

In that split second, I wanted to scream: NATSUME HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

...But my smile faltered when there seemed to be no change in his expression. His face was completely still, devoid of any expression. As if all those years we've met have decreased to… nothing. His eyes did not reveal anything, but I felt I could see behind the depths of those, there was something...

"What?"he asked, eyebrows raised.  Hearing his voice for the first time in years felt like I was somehow carried away from hell. I wasn't in heaven, though, it felt just like a lifted curse. Like the flames had somehow abruptly stopped. The wounds were there, but there was no more burning. No more suffering. The moment I saw him, I knew it was over. I was away from hell.

I didn't know what I'd expected to see from Natsume, but it was not this. The mask of indifference, the callousness. The look in his eyes shook me, and my heart sank, along with what was left of today's optimism.

"Hi," was all I could manage to utter. I couldn't even gather the decency to give a warm greeting. My stubbornness was turned on to a maximum today._ I wouldn't talk to him unless he talks to me first._

I waited for him to say something, but there was no reply. I was enraged. How could he have forgotten me so easily? I wanted to confront him, to demand what his problem was, why he didn't talk to me.

I hardly listened to anything in the lesson. I was deeply bothered by the fact that Natsume hadn't said a word since we met. His taciturnity annoyed me. I didn't know what he was thinking, and it made me anxious. Was he angry at me? Or was he really like this with everyone else? Every girl seemed to _adore_ him, so… Is it just me?

I couldn't take it anymore, so I decided to say something.

"So this is how you are now, Natsume? Not so much as a simple acknowledgement of my existence- or the fact that you already know me."

He merely shook his head and responded, "I can't believe this." His voice sounded like he was angry, but I couldn't really tell. His face did not betray any emotion.

"You know each other, Natsume?" Ruka asked before I was able to respond.

"From a long time ago," came his brief reply.

FROM A LONG TIME AGO. Wow. That made it sound like I was involved in some sort of History book.

I was aware that the teacher was speaking, but I did not pay attention to her words.

"... and talk with your table, okay?" said our teacher. I only heard those last words, so I didn't understand what we had to talk about."

"So... Er... Sakura-san... Natsume...." Ruka began. I guess he could feel the strange atmosphere that was filled with tension in the left side of our table. At least he made an effort to bring up a discussion.

"What?" "What?"

Both Natsume and I spoke at the same time. Natsume said it in an uninterested manner, though, but I said it more in the lines of confusion.

I decided not to speak after that. Neither did he. It felt awkward, so Ruka decided to speak.

"We're supposed to... introduce ourselves. Our likes and dislikes and all that... But by the looks of it, we're already familiar with each other," Ruka said with a laugh.

"I want everybody to be talking. Interacting. Learn more things about your classmates!" our teacher said brightly.

"Guess we still have to do it, huh?" I said.

Ruka began all the silly introductions our teacher said was 'very important'.

"I... I like... Animals, and I dislike...." His eyes roamed through the room before he spoke.

I followed the direction of his gaze when I saw... girls. They were the ones who yelled Natsume's name earlier. I sensed he must have disliked those noisy ones that were too locked up in their own world, waiting for their "Knight in Shining Armor".

"I can go next," I said, already guessing what Ruka disliked.

"I like my all my friends," I said with a smile.

Both Ruka and Natsume stared at me, confused.

"No, not in _that _way!" I explained, using my hands in the process.

"I... I hate Math," I finished in a low voice.

It was Natsume's turn.

"Na-Natsume?" Ruka asked, waiting for his response.

"I'd like class to end soon because I don't want to be in here any longer," he said monotonously.

_That_ was an answer?

He'd only have to say my name for me to know I was the reason he didn't want to be here.

"Share your stories," our teacher said even more loudly, with enthusiasm. She babbled on with a shrill voice on a couple of things about 'meeting new people', which I couldn't care less about.

I glanced around the room. Everyone else was talking about different things, from homework to fashion to sport.

"Sakura-san is so lucky to be sitting next to Natsume-kun," I heard someone say.

"Yeah, she is," came the answer of one person, followed with echoes of the same reply.

Lucky?

I just don't get it. What exactly was so lucky about wanting a person you've always wanted to see for years, send icy glares at you that it felt almost enough to freeze you for an eternity?

I looked back at Natsume. He was reading manga again, silent and sitting still.

The second the bell rang, and I heard a light thud in the ground, only to find a black gel pen had dropped near my seat. I didn't see whose pen it was so the next words came out as a shock.

"Oi. Can you pick up the pen… New student," Natsume said, hesitating a bit before he spoke the last 2 words.

And that was it.

I was furious now.

I quickly picked up the the pen and placed it right through the table with great force that the sound impacted loudly on the room. Too bad the pen didn't break.

_He couldn't even say my name._

"Mikan Sakura. Is that too hard to remember?" I snapped out at him. Although I didn't mean to, the words came out harsher than I expected. I guess I held bitter feelings, which I was only able to freely express now that he was here. I didn't look back to see anyone's reaction, as I packed up my books in a rush, ready to leave. I was heading for the door when I heard him speak.

"You didn't have to take it out on the pen."

With tears streaming down my cheeks, anger intensified, I stormed out of the room without another word.

* * *

"No," I said firmly. "Hell no."

"But Sakura-san-" Ruka said.

"No, OK? I refuse to be-"

"It's already set, you can't do anything about it," Hotaru said, smiling.

"That guy can't be my partner, OK? That's just-"

"Fate?" Koko asked with a laugh.

"No, torture!" I retorted.

Natsume was my class partner, I realized too late. Kokoi told this to me after class. The turn of events were almost sickening.

"So how do you find your partner?" Koko asked during lunch. I just lifted the water up to my lips as he spoke the words, but I froze.

"Partner?" I asked in confusion. "Who?"

"Natsume Hyuuga, who else?" he stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

I blinked 3 times before I was able to put the puzzle pieces together. Then, it clicked.

_My partner was... Natsume?_

"Let me get this straight," I said, thinking. "He's my partner," I said, trying to keep calm.

"Depends who 'he' is."

"Natsume, of course!"

He nodded, smiling.

_Smiling._

"Oh no," I said, shaking my head repeatedly. "No, no no. Why him?!"

He chuckled before he spoke.

"You mean you didn't know?" he asked. He seemed to find something terribly amusing.

Oh, great. Perfect way to start the day.

Suddenly, I felt so stupid for not realizing it. How did I not realize this? It was so obvious. He was the absent guy the other day, and sat next to me too. Now because of my failure to realize this, my friends kept rubbing it in it was annoying.

Facing back to reality, I tried to think of how my life could get any more complex than it is.

What a perfect start to my academy life. Really, whoever said life in the academy was easy, well, honestly? My troubles were just the beginning.

* * *

**Urghh. Finally. I wanted to go finish off the chapter already, because of Vampire Academy bk.3, I couldn't write anything straight. It was just too depressing to write.**

** Anyway, don't forget to review. ^^  
**


	5. The Memory and the Unchanged

**Disclaimer: **My name is not does not begin with a H or a T, therefore, I do not own Gakuen Alice (as cool as that may sound).

* * *

_My head hurts._

Not only did I not get insufficient sleep last night, but I had spent yesterday reviewing our class notes and doing homework. I spent 1 hour finishing off trigonometry, and then I moved on to History. It was the best I could do at least, since my mind was completely functioning crazily. What with the dreams and the frequent thoughts of Natsume, I might as well have been going insane.

I haven't entirely got over yesterday's incident. There was one thing, though, and it was one thing I could not overlook. It was what I noticed in the first day, because I had seen it in his eyes. Natsume looked at me, not with unfamiliarity, but looked at me, his face expressionless. And yet it was with the blankness of his expression that he seemed cold and unconcerned... But it wasn't a look that told me I was forgotten. I may not have seen Natsume in years, but I knew him long enough that he was masking some part of him- pain? Frustration? There was a thick barrier that made him so distant.

It was time to move on to my next class, and I didn't have a chance to pack up so I hastily packed up the books and put the pen in my purple pencil case. I didn't bother to put the crayons in the right order of color anymore.

As I stood up, I was shocked to find someone directly behind me. I saw Natsume was there, as if the whole time he was there, waiting for me to stand up. He spoke first.

"Oi. You… Why are you even here?" he asked, tone cautious, carefully choosing the right words. Each word stung as he said them.

I knew what he was trying to ask. It wasn't a question of why I was in the classroom, but why I even came here in the academy at all. I knew it. I knew he didn't want me here.

"What am_ I_ doing here? I should be the one who should ask that question, Natsume, not you!" Impulse, not caution. But I didn't care.

"I study here, that's what I'm doing. But I asked you first."

"I'm here because of my alice, obviously," I said, with heavy emphasis on the last word, as if that alone explained the whole thing.

"You... have an alice?" he asked with insulting incredulity.

"Yes, I do," I managed to reply with equal hostility.

There was a brief pause before he spoke again.

"So what is it? Transforming people into fairies? Or was it turning anything to pink?"

"Don't be so stuck in the past, Natsume. I've grown up."

"I wasn't stuck in the past, I was simply _reminiscing_ it."

"Oh wow, I didn't know you still remember a past, because I thought you've forgotten it!"

"I could say the same, actually. What past were you actually referring to? I thought you would've buried anything that reminded you of me."

"Well sor-ry for apparently _forgetting_ it, but maybe it's because you never even revealed so much as how to contact you! Cøme to think of it, has this academy been your hideout all these years?"

"I wasn't hiding- but that's beside the point. I had reasons, but do you?"

"I don't need to explain myself," I said, carefully now. I wasn't so sure about what he meant either. Reasons for what?

"Of course you don't," he murmured sardonically.

"What are you trying to say?" I demanded with a mix of confusion and annoyance.

He didn't answer my question and instead, he moved closer and whispered to my ear:

"Math is starting Don't anger the lightning guy."

He left me, face puzzled.

I wish I could stop it, but I couldn't help it. There it was again: The feeling of being at ease by the comfort of his presence. It was amazing how his presence chased away all my worries. I was angry, but his very presence made me feel relief- the constant worry, the sadness that filled me when he had left. I felt more whole.

That split second, I looked fixedly at him, saw how the light gently touched the flawless features of his face: I couldn't deny that he was ridiculously good-looking, for a guy like him who could be so infuriating. Some part of me thought I understood why girls were squealing and swooning because of him. Just a few days ago, I heard a girl cried non-stop for 5 days from being rejected by him. Well, technically, she wasn't rejected, because all Natsume did was glare, and she understood. Well, at least, she thought she did. Who knows what a guy like Natsume could be plotting?

Cunning. I could not fall under the path of hope again.

* * *

Jinno-sensei's class, though I hated to admit, made me fall asleep. I didn't mean to, but the lack of sleep plus the whole boring lecture about numbers was enough to make me fall asleep.

"Mikan Sakura," came the voice. Sharp. Scary.

I had to swallow, nervous, before I faced him.

Then there was the whole eye-to-eye contact business. I could've sworn he was glaring at me, but I knew better than to take that to heart.

"Well, well. Being a three-star in the school, I would've thought you'd be a bit more… competetent with your work. I guess I was mistaken," he said with a trace of humor in his face.

Talk about being a sadist.

"Sensei, I-"

"Enough. The next time I ask a question, be sure to listen. The next time you do this... It won't be so pleasant."

I just nodded. I wasn't really sure what to say. It had been my fault anyway. I thought it was over, but I saw a stroke of lightning hit my text book, and it ended up looking badly burnt.

"My book," I said in despair.

I could barely make out the words in the next hundred pages of my book. I needed a replacement. I remembered what Natsume said ealier...

"_Math is starting Don't anger the lightning guy."_

I didn't get a word he said then, so it wasn't really like he warned me.

By the end of the class, everyone was rushing for the door, and for a second, our eyes met. It had the annoying I-told-you-so look, which was doubly worse than the glares. His look was teasing- I never thought I'd be so angry with someone this way. Never. That's why it was such a surprise that it had to be Natsume of all people. But then again, it wasn't totally surprising, because he was the only one who could make me feel this way.

Words hit me out of nowhere. Clear and concise. The memory entered my mind... and it hit me- hard.

"_If I'd leave, you'd understand, right?" _Natsume's voice said. The memory brought back how he used to be- his gentle voice, his worried look. It all hurt me. This Natsume, I have definitely missed.

Stop. I need to stop this. Soon. I need to snap out of it.

"Sakura-san," came Ruka's voice, and immediately, I woke up- as if an alarm just rung, or like a splash of cold water on me, or a shake in the shoulders- I realized I had stopped dead on my tracks. Ruka had a concerned expression, so I had to say something.

"Uh... I'm fine, you can go ahead," I said, forcing a smile. He didn't buy it.

"No, really. I just... I just... remembered something."

"If you're sure..." he said, face still unsure. Thankfully, he left the door and only looked back at me one last time.

* * *

I walked towards one room- the room besides my own that I've only ever wanted to visit ever since I came to the academy. My feet went forward automatically, one foot after the other. This was the room I could go to any time, awake or asleep. My feet would find its way, my heart memorized the directions.

"You look like you've just seen a ghost," Hotaru said the second she opened the door.

Ah, the familiar face and voice of my best friend- the one person who has not changed.

"No, not a ghost," I said shaking my head. I sat down.

Ghost of my memory, more like it.

"Do you want to take a look at yourself in the mirror?" Hotaru said, teasing me. Before I could even respond, she took a mirror from her study table and sat next to me.

"If you didn't look so utterly horrified, I would've taken pictures of you."

_Hotaru. You haven't changed at all._

I took a deep breath.

"That bad?"

She frowned. "It's not even hilarious."

"Oh," I said taking a look at myself. "No wonder Ruka-pyon looked so worried."

It wasn't that I was messed up or had my hair all around me- it was just that my face was creased with worry- like something big was bothering me.

I sighed.

I tried to relax, thinking of Hotaru, trying to comfort myself.

"Ruka-pyon?" Hotaru asked, eyebrows raised.

I blushed a deep red.

"Just a nickname. He always has that rabbit," I admitted.

_CLICK._

"Wha- Hotaru!"

"There. That ought to make up for that freaked-out expression of yours," she said with a smirk.

There are just some things that never change- And heck, not all of them were pleasant.

* * *

For the short time that I've been in the academy, I discovered one thing. Being late was absolutely a big deal. Truly, it was.

I hurried to class, but someone ran past me, but we bumped on each other, and I fell, ankle twisted. He stopped for 3 seconds as if deciding whether to help me or not, then he quickly ran past me.

It was only then that I was able to recognize him- Natsume.

It was downright rude. He didn't even apologize or stop to help me... But man was he amazingly fast and– What am I thinking?!

My ankle hurt, and as fast as I was capable of at that moment, I went to class.

"Mikan-chan," Narumi sensei said brightly. "You're late."

Uh, I already know that.

"I sprained my ankle," I stated simply.

"Care to elaborate on that?"

"Well, I just collided with some guy who sprained my leg and didn't even have the guts to apologize," I explained, fuming.

I noticed that there was someone who entered the room just seconds before me, but I ignored it. It wasn't only a little bit after that I was able to identify that presence. Natsume.

"And here he is," I added.

I turned to face him.

"Are you stalking me?" I bluntly asked.

"No. We're in the same class," Natsume stated, as if it were the most obvious fact in the world.

Well, curse my egg shell head for not picking that one up.

"The reason for lateness, Mr. Hyuuga?" Narumi sensei demanded.

"That girl," he remarked, pointing directly at me.

He- The nerve!

"I can't believe- _You_ were the one who bumped into me and _I _was the one who got a sprained leg! How the heck is all that _my_ fault?" I burst out in rage. He was blaming me for his unpunctuality, but it was obviously HIS fault. Where was the justice in that?

"OK. Let me get this straight. You were the reason why he was late, and he was the reason why you were late," he stated, then he threw his head back and laughed.

"You are the most amusing couple to watch."

I'm sorry, did he just say 'couple'?

He was making fun of us!

"We're not _a couple_, and it's not nice to make fun of other people's situation," I replied in chagrin.

"Your verdict?" Natsume asked in a bored voice.

Ha. Verdict. This isn't even a death sentence, though I would've probably considered it one, if it were Jinno-sensei who handed the punishment out.

"Sorry, but no can do. Detention. It's the rules."

* * *

**March is a big month for me. Assignments are piling up. Assignment. I hate that word. Means less update and more work.**

**Anyway, I should be doing HW right now, but it just so happens that I keep procrastinating.**

**As always, don't forget to review. ^^**


	6. Confused

Disclaimer:  For the record, I do not own Gakuen Alice.

* * *

**C H A P T E R 6- CONFUSED **

"I have detention today," I explained to Koko for what felt like the hundredth time today. Our first lesson had ended and Koko came to talk to me before the next lesson started.

He frowned.

"I still don't get why that means you can't hang out with us later."

I sighed.

"I need to study for the exams," I said simply.

"But we had practically every lesson as revision."

"Sorry, I really can't," I said guiltily. Truly, I had a lot to catch up to, and more important things to do-Like stop thinking of Natsume.

Detention was definitely not helping.

"Well, if you say so..." he looked slightly disappointed, but then smiled a little anyway.

"'Kay. See you around," he said and waved.

"Bye," I said as cheerfully as I could muster. Then he was gone.

* * *

There wasn't much hard work to do this lesson. It was just copying notes in the board.

I took a peek at Natsume, though I tried to make it look not-so-obvious. Well, it was wasted anyway. The sight annoyed me. His head was buried on the desk, with his arms folded, and he was... sleeping.

"Natsume," I whispered.  
No answer. I tried again.

"Natsume," I said even louder.

"What?" he asked, clearly irritated. He tilted his head upwards to look at me. The moment we locked gazes, my heart sped up significantly faster and louder, I wonder if he heard it.

"What do you think you're doing?" I demanded, ignoring the strange thumping of my heart.

I don't know why. I just couldn't look at him directly in the eyes.

"Sleeping, what else?"

"Gee, thanks for clearing that all up," I said rolling my eyes. "I meant, why were you sleeping?"

"Maybe you should listen in the listen rather than gawk at someone," he said, then once more, he lay his head back down the table. Did he always have to so... so... I don't know, obnoxious?

It was an unfair thing to ask; I wasn't even gawking- just- well, peeking. I ignored him.

"You didn't answer my question," I said in irritation.

"You didn't take my advise."

He smirked.

I cleared my throat.

"Students aren't supposed to-"

"Lower. Your voice. Down."

"Students-aren't-supposed-to-sleep-in-class," I said slowly, elaborately spacing the words, with obvious strain in my voice. I wanted to keep it low, but he was getting on my nerves now.

"I'm not just any 'student'."

I was about to answer "What's that supposed to mean?", but the teacher silenced the class. She urged us to get on with our work and get into pairs.

Natsume partnered with Ruka- he had that I'm-sorry-sakura-san look.

"Partner, Mikan?"

I turned my head around to see Koko, wearing another big smile on his face.

"Oh, Koko…."

Koko began to speak. At first I didn't take notice of it, until I realized that the voice mirrored my thoughts_ exactly._

"I missed the old times, Natsume… How I wish it could be back to before," Koko began.

Within that moment, I understood. This guy's alice was mind reading.

"If only you didn't have to leave, if only you didn't just disappear… If you could've sent just one message-"

"Koko!" I called, giving him a death stare. Thankfully, he stopped, and shrugged…

It was too late. Natsume heard everything. I could feel Natsume's gaze, but I didn't make eye contact, because I refused to look at him. I could already predict that he would be glaring again, or perhaps looking at me innocently the way he looked at everyone else- as if I was a total stranger. The second prediction, though, would be even more painful to accept.

It didn't matter if he glared, so long as he acknowledged my existence and I knew what he was feeling, so I could get a step closer to understanding him.

I sat next to Koko, still lost in thought.

"Wow. You're pretty... different," Koko commented.

"What do you mean?" I asked, distracted.

"The last time I read a girl's mind, my head reached the ground 3 seconds flat. When you cross Sumire Shouda, don't forget that."

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean… Sumire's really nice."

"You've met?" Koko asked, frowning. "So where is this 'nice' girl?"

"I don't know. I think she's running late... But it sounds like you're asking for trouble, you know, reading a girl's mind and everything. If I was really in a bad mood, I'd snap and chase you around the school, you know."

"Haha... That would be hilarious. And in the school's newsletter too. Headline: New student chases the innocent mind-reader."

"Innocent," I snorted in laughter.

"Oh, here comes seaweed," Koko reported cheerfully. I was confused at first, until I turned to see who it was.

"Permy!" I called out.

"I thought you were sick," I said, grabbing a chair so she could sit next to us. "You... Just called her…. Perm… Permy!" Koko burst out laughing.

"I thought it was apparent that I didn't want you to call me that. Especially in public," Sumire said, clearly annoyed.

"But it suits you," I candidly.

"Imai-san is Hotaru and Natsume-kun is Natsume. Why the heck do I have to be the only one called differently aside from my name?"

"Because you're different," replied Koko, who now managed to suppress a laugh.

"Anyway, I'm fine now... I can't believe that alarm clock didn't ring. Maybe I should just buy a new one," Sumire said in thought.

"Everyone else in class has a partner. I suppose you could go with us," I suggested.

"Yeah, we could work together," Koko said brightly.

When the bell rang at the end of the class, Ruka approached us.

"Sakura-san? Do you want to go for pizza later?"

"What's the celebration?" I asked jokingly.

"Natsume's topped the tests again," smiled Ruka.

"No joke? So you guys celebrate every academic success?"

"Nah, I just thought it was nice to invite you guys over."

That was what I liked about Ruka. Sometimes he can so damn polite and nice, you can't help but act friendly.

Sumire's eyes went wide.

"You can go too... if you want," Ruka said to Sumire. Of course, I knew he was just trying to be nice because Sumire was my friend. It was uncomfortable for him to be with one of his crazy fan-girls, which sadly, included Sumire.

But I didn't miss the crucial part of what he just said a few seconds ago.

"'You guys' over? Who else is coming?" I asked, eyebrows raised.

"Oh, you know, just us. Koko and me and everyone else."

"Well, if that's all..."

"See you after detention," I said.

I hurried to detention when I heard Hotaru mutter, "Enjoy", and my heart sank. I hated detention. Hotaru knew that, and so she just had to have a go at me. I sighed before I took my seat from the far end of the room.

* * *

My eyes never left the window ever since detention started. The day just looked so fine, it was such a waste to spend it writing lines and having to help with dreary paper work. Not to mention the fact it was only the two of us in class who had detention on that day. (Alice academy was just too big that different classes had different rooms for detention.)

I sat, bored, elbows resting on the table, face cupped in my hands, waiting for the teacher to set us some work.

It was all just so unfair. Why couldn't I be out enjoying the warm sun and be out having fun in such a beautiful day? Because of Natsume.

"This is all your fault," I moaned. First, he sprained my leg. And now, he landed me on detention. Oh, just perfect. I was having such an oh-so-wonderful second week in Gakuen Alice, but Natsume just had to ruin it.

"My fault? You were the one who was rushing like it was the end of the world."

"I was going to be late," I gritted under my teeth.

"So was I. Did you see me spraining my leg?"

"Why do you have to be so----urghh, that's it. All this arguing is making me sick."

"That's rare. I guess that makes it red-letter day."

"If it's red letter day for me, you deserve a trophy for… for... Best in taunting!"

"A promising title, but I'm afraid you judged me just a little too much. Taunting people isn't actually the only skill I have." 

"That may not be so, but it's the only 'skill' you show me."

"Enough. Don't you students ever get tired? Fighting is so troublesome," came a female voice.

"Yet everyone does it," Natsume muttered under this breath.

The teacher for the day had came. She opened her case and got some papers out, probably for us to write on or organize.

"Sensei, you're here," I said cheerfully. "Right when the ice has melted. A speed really worth complimenting."

"Yeah, really here on time," Natsume backed up.

"Geez. You guys, cool your heads off first. Detention is punishment," she said as she handed each of us sheets.

"What's wrong with both of you?" she asked frowning. She went on, seeing our confused faces.

"You're both seating so far away. Don't worry, I don't bite," she said, grinning.

Suddenly, her eyes widened and her mouth opened in shock, as if she suddenly remembered something of importance.

"Oh no- I'll be back on a second. Don't do anything rash," she warned. She then scurried off without another word.

"I wonder what's up with her…"

"Probably forgotten to turn the kettle off or something," he snickered.

"Haha… And she hasn't even arrived for even 1 minute yet."

The room was suddenly filled with deadly silence. The silence wasn't one of the unbearable, awfully silent ones, just dreadfully awkward. Without fighting, what was there to talk about? I just couldn't think of what to say… 'Oh Natsume, where have you been all these years? …. 'Living in a rock?' I wanted to shout out.

"Pigtails"," Natsume said to my surprise. Him coming up with something first shocked me a little.

"Eh?" I asked in confusion. I was lost in my own train of thought, thinking of what to say to Natsume.

"You still wear those pigtails."

"What's wrong with wearing pigtails?" I asked in exasperation.

No reply. Just an annoying smile I wanted so badly to wipe off.

"Natsume, can I ask a question?"

"You just asked one," he pointed out.

"Geez, why do you have to be so obnoxious? It's only a question."

"Ask it then."

"What's your alice?"

No reply. Another smile.

"Is it ice?" I asked, racking my brains for alices. 

"No."

"Teleportation?"

"No."

"Hmmm… Invention?"

"No."

"Oh, I know. It's water."

"No."

"Wind?"

"No."

"Then what?"

"Go on. You were so close."

"Flying?"

"No."

"Wind Barrier? Wind trapping?" 

"It's not a wind alice."

"But you said I was close!"

"You were. You just had to name one more element…"

"Metal? Silver? Mercury? Helium?"

"No no no and no."

"Wahhh… Is it…Don't tell me it's also nullification?"

"Of course not."

"Any clues?" I said.

"I just gave you one."

"But … But… I still didn't guess it."

"Why am I not surprised. You were never that smart anyway."

That. Was. Offending. Why is he so… so...so-  _WHACK_

"Hey! What the hell did you do that for?!"

"What are you saying? That I'm mentally incompetent?!" I blurted out, vexed.

 "I never said that," came his defense.

"What's going on here?"

Oops. I hadn't realized that our voices were really loud. Our teacher came back in the room with a face that read : "SHUT UP OR ELSE…"

"Sensei, Natsume provoked me!"

"Well she literally _whacked_ me with a hardcover book."

"Enough! I don't care who started it, but get on with your work if you don't want to visit this room everyday this week."

The warning was effective, because none of us spoke after that.

OK. So that was detention- which didn't go so smoothly if you ask me.

By the end of the day, the teacher gave me another detention for tomorrow because Natsume didn't quit complaining that 'it hurts' and I had to fetch him a freaking band-aid. He even went as far as saying to put it on him, which I responded with a "In your dreams, you egotistic bastard ", and the teacher scolded me just for saying that. I mean, it wasn't like it was all my fault. Natsume started it.

I didn't whack him as hard as he exaggerated, but for some reason he seemed to take pleasure in angering me. Same goes for me, but he obviously had more power, so there was absolutely no justice in that.

"That guy... Who does he think he is… What's Natsume's alice, anyway-"

'Natsume?Natsume Hyuuga?"

I turned around and saw Sumire.

"Permy?" I asked, wondering what she was doing here.

"Permy again, huh," she said. She didn't say anything after that. She seemed not to be in the mood for arguing, so I guessed that she must have let it drop.

"You know Natsume's alice?"

"Yeah. Everyone knows. But before that- why do you call him 'Natsume' like you're so close?"

"Eh? We are close… Well, used to be," I said, remembering the hostility and coldness he showed just now.

"Well… That's …. Certainly news… Natsume didn't react like he knew you at all…" she spoke, unsure.

"That's because… I don't know, he's changed! Natsume was my childhood friend… He didn't used to be like this, he's usually really nice and …" I stopped short when I remembered the what Natsume used to be like.

"Anyhow, Natsume's alice is the alice of fire. It's really cool. He's the only Everyone in the class… idolizes him."

"Figures," I said.

"What?" Sumire said

"No, no. It's just… Everyone's like… 'Kyyyaaa- I wanna sit next to Natsume-kun' it's just … kinda funny. But I should've figured his alice out earlier. I mean, he burned the skirt of a girl on my first day…"

"Well, Mikan, I'm in _that_ category. I hope what you said wasn't an insult."

"Seriously? But Permy, isn't it just so… tiring? Chasing after Natsume and everything. I sort of pity you guys… You deserve someone better…Someone who's gonna feel the same way."

"There isn't such a guy! All other guys, if not idiotic, really have no idea how to make a girl feel better. Natsume is like… The perfect guy… He's smart, he's really cool, he's someone to look up to, and he's also… every girl's dream guy."

"Oh, I don't know so much about the 'every girl', Natsume just an annoying, narcissistic-"

"But you don't like Natsume? He is your childhood friend after all."

"Hell no. We're just… Just friends," I felt an odd feeling as I uttered those words.

"Hey, aren't you heading back?" I asked.

"What are you talking about?" Sumire said shocked.

"What do you mean?" I asked, perplexed. Sumire was dragging me to the opposite direction-

"Where are you bringing me?" I asked, even more puzzled by the minute.

"Have you forgotten?! We're suppose to go to that pizza thing."

"Oh no! I completely forgot," I said, now rushing. We reached Ruka's room in less 2 minutes. I saw a person walking towards that very same door. With a jolt of shock, I realized it was Natsume.

"What are you doing here?" Natsume asked.

"I was invited... Oh no, there must be some sort of mistake," I said.

Sumire looked annoyed.

"No, _we_ were. And it wasn't a mistake." Sumire smiled broadly at Natsume, which he didn't see because he was staring directly at me. I felt my heart jump again. I really had to get used to looking at him in the eyes. It really wasn't normal.

"Oh, Natsume, Sakura-san, you're here," Ruka said opening the door.

"Ruka-pyon," I called.

He looked surprised. I forgot I had never used the nickname when I talked to him.

"Sorry. It's a nickname," I apologized quickly.

"It's OK," Ruka said with a laugh.

"Ruka-pyon, you didn't tell me," I said, feeling more irritated.

"Hm? Tell you what?" Ruka asked as if he missed something.

"I didn't know 'everyone else' included Natsume."

"Oh. Natsume always goes. I didn't feel the need to say it. After all, didn't I say it was _his_ top-of-class celebration?" Ruka said.  
I scowled. "I'm serious. Things are not going to go well if you put us in the same room."

"One night isn't going to hurt," Ruka said kindly. I sincerely hope that was true.

Sumire looked strangely grumpy.

"What's wrong? Aren't you just so overjoyed?" I nudged Sumire.

"He didn't even acknowledge me."  
"Oh, cheer up. You're here."

"Hey, come in. What happened to you?" I heard Ruka ask as he turned to Natsume.

"Nothing. Just an accident," Natsume said.

"Hi guys. Want pizza? Hey Natsume, what happened to your face?" Koko asked as he saw Natsume.

"One more word about my face and I'll make sure your face is going to end up worse," grumbled Natsume.

"OK, OK. I got it," Koko said, grinning.

"Ruka-pyon, I can help with the food and stuff… If you don't mind?"

"No, it's alright. Go ahead."

I wasn't going to stick around hearing them talk about a face that_ I_ damaged. I really felt guilty now. I saw Hotaru sitting cross-legged at the ground, counting photographs she's taken. I didn't see what they were, though. I greeted Hotaru with a smile.

"What's the silliest thing a girl's ever done to you?" Koko asked all of a sudden when they've gathered up in the center table.

I could hear the question from the kitchen very clearly, and I wondered what Natsume would respond to the question.

I came back carrying all the boxes and laid them in the center table and sat next to Sumire. I took a bite straight away. I was hungry when I remembered that I forgot to eat lunch.

"Well, for me, a girl tripped me once because I really annoyed her when I read her mind…"

I saw Sumire shift from her uncomfortable position. She looked oddly stiff…

"Who would do that? Wow."

"How about you, Ruka?" Koko asked in curiosity.

"Umm… Well, A girl … threatened to sell photos of me if I didn't help her tame an animal," Ruka said, looking slightly embarrassed.

Why does that person sound so familiar. I looked at Hotaru who was innocently eating her sandwich.

"Really? I guess Nothing can be sillier than mine," Natsume answered wearing a wicked grin.

_Don't tell me he's going to say..._

"What happened, Natsume?"

"I was whacked right in the face because I didn't tell a girl my alice."

_Wow, Natsume, thank you for sharing that out. _

"You mean she doesn't know your alice?"

"Well, now she does."

"Desert?" I asked calmly when I saw that Sumire and Natsume had aready finished their pizza.

I thought back to when Permy told me Natsume's alice…

"_Natsume is like… The perfect guy…" _

Nobody's perfect. Not even Natsume. I guess that wasn't right...

Natsume's not even close.

In the kitchen, my eyes spotted a chocolate cake. Some kind of celebration. I knew there were other desserts, but I was getting this first.

"I don't like chocolate cake," Natsume began when he saw me bring them in the room.

"Hey Mr. I-have-the-fire-alice, I don't care whether you hate brown cakes but you are going to eat-"

"Uh, Mikan, I don't think it's the best idea force Natsume to eat that," Koko warned.

I wanted to blurt out, "Yeah, I know", but I stopped myself. This was not one of the days I was going to put up with him.

"OK, OK, shut up. I'll eat it already."

Natsume, since I've met him, didn't like chocolate cake. It kinda made me feel good to make him think I had forgotten that part of him. He wanted a game of who "Who-can-show-they've-forgotten-the-other-most"? Two can play at that game. Although I must admit, I didn't play well.

"So who was it?" Koko asked, filling up the silence. He was asking a question from what Natsume said earlier.

Natsume gave me a piercing stare, and I instantly felt guilty.

"It's not- I didn't mean it, okay?" I blurted out. He raised his eyebrows, and with a sigh, I added, "I'm sorry."

There were confused expressions around the room, save Koko, who seemed to be enjoying every moment of this.

"The new student is apologizing for slamming a book at my face?" Natsume asked.

"Do you have to be such an arrogant, jerk? I apologized already, OK? Even when it was your fault in the first place."

"Oh, so it was Mikan," Ruka said in realization.

"Do you even know what an apology is, Polka? You say sorry because you admit that it's your fault."

"An apology doesn't have to mean that it's _my _fault. It's just that I was sorry for hitting your face. And don't. Call me. Polka!"

I placed the fork I was holding into plate, and stood up.

"Thank you for the meal, Ruka-pyon, but I have to go. See you, Koko, Hotaru, Permy."

I stared at Natsume coldly and headed for the door.

"Wait, me too. I've got to finish that English essay… Bye Ruka, Sumire... Imai-san," Koko said, standing up quickly and headed for the door.

"Let's go, Mikan," he said.

He was silent for a moment, when he suddenly spoke.

"He really cares about you, you know. He's been feeling almost the same way you've been feeling since you first saw him."

We walked for 10 seconds of silence before he spoke again.

"Hey Mikan, do you want to know the story of how Natsume embarrassed Luna Koizumi?" 

"Yeah, I suppose." Luna Koizumi. Huh. That girl who made those posters.

"You see, everybody was fussing over Natsume when he first came, especially Luna…. That was about less than 3 years ago.… And one day, she called him by his first name without the honorifics, and then Natsume got angry."

"Natsume got angry?"  I reiterated.

"Wait- let me finish… Natsume got angry. Then he said, 'I won't allow any other girl to call by my first name, except for one girl.'"

"You don't mean-"

"It's you."

"But he reacted as if he didn't know me!" I said with a mix of emotions. I had just said what I had felt deep inside but was never able to fully express. He didn't say something to me the moment we met. It hurt, and I wanted to hell him that, I just realized. I wanted to tell him that so bad but I didn't know how. When.

"That- it's his story to tell. But he has a reason, Mikan. Natsume's been a good friend of mine for a long time. I can tell that cares for you more than he shows. And… Here's my room. Good night."

"G'night Koko."

Great. Today was a total mess. Yup, there was no denying that. I had been miserable when he left, and when I saw him again, I was worried that he hated me, scared he forgot me. Now Koko was telling me that my assumptions might have been wrong.

Now I didn't know what to think.

* * *

**yaaaayy I got wireless now. Now I can pretty much go to internet whenever I want with my laptop.**

**So how's the chapter? Good? bad? Longest chapter I have ever written. Went past 3500 words.. ^^ I realized I might as well post it now, because I wouldn't be able to tomorrow or on Sunday- maybe even the whole of next week.**

**Thanks!**


	7. NRFC

**Disclaimer**: Do not and never will own Gakuen Alice

* * *

**Chapter 7 - NRFC**

"Mikan Sakura."

"Go away, you jerk!" And then my eyes flew open.

Oh God. I just fell asleep in class. And to top that off, I called my teacher a _jerk_.

Stupid Natsume. Why the hell did he have to star in my dreams and bug me to no end?

His eyebrows raised.

"I'm sorry... It's not.. It's just- I had a bad dream," I finally finished off.

"Class, what do you think of this? Apparently, the new student thinks her three-star room is not comfortable enough."

Our history teacher. I knew he hated me already from the very first day.

There was a sea of murmurs and whispering. It was disconcerting.

"That's not true!" I retorted. There was nothing wrong with my room. In fact, it was truly beyond my greatest dreams that I could actually get to stay in a room as perfect as I had. I always knew I didn't deserve the room. It just hurt more to have it almost pointed out to everybody.

"You have not had proper sleep?" he asked.

"Well..."

Come to think of it, Natsume was the reason why I didn't get any proper sleep last night, not that I was going to say that out loud. That would only be an invitation for a fight for the all-too-eager fan girls of his.

"Being a three-star, you have are privileged enough to stay in comfortable rooms, only second to that of the special star's. Lack of sleep will not be an excuse to doze in and out of this class. You may leave the room."

"But-"

"Now," he said, narrowing his eyes.

* * *

"Teachers are cruel," I said, miffed. It was true enough for me.

"That's OK, you've only been sent out once," Koko said, trying to cheer me up.

"It's not fair. _He_ can sleep and do whatever he wants."

There was no need to tell who 'he' was. There was only one 'he' who can get to sleep and receive special treatment in class. It was funny because all Natsume did was doze off in classes and the teachers never said a thing. Me on the other hand? A 'You may leave the room'.

Koko shrugged.

"Well, we can't all be special stars."

"Natsume? Natsume Hyuuga? Special star?" I asked in shock.

Of course. I should have known. What else could he be but a special star?

"Yeah, didn't you know?" Koko asked in mild surprise.

"Special star? His new nickname should be Mr. God-almighty," I huffed.

Koko just looked amused.

"What's that? Is that... Is that an Alice stone?" Koko abruptly asked.

Oh. I almost forgot I was wearing it. Ever since Natsume left, he left a note plus a weird stone- the stone I now wore in my neck. I only turned it into a necklace yesterday because that's when I found a string fitting for a necklace. Considering our situation right now, it wasn't wise to wear it, but it looked really pretty.

"Uh... Yeah. A... A gift, actually," I said with a smile._ A good bye gift,_ I thought, trying to hold back the tears I was sure were about to roll down.

When classes ended, I remembered I had to go to detention because of yesterday's incident. I realized I was going to have one boring detention- I didn't know anyone in detention today.

Detention was pretty dull. Today, I was with a couple of students who I normally see get it trouble. Nothing interesting, just plain paper work. I just doodled over the back page once I finished what the teacher wanted us to write. My mind wandered around the thoughts that have been bugging me all night.

OK, so Natsume _might_ not hate me... But that did not change the fact that he still left. He didn't explain, he didn't apologize. He left me hanging.

On the other hand, he didn't care anymore. I didn't even know what to call him. A friend? An acquaintance? An ex-friend? An enemy? Funny how enemy and friend grouped themselves together. I never usually put opposites together. With Natsume, however, they just somehow fit. I didn't hate him, but icy-glares and brief conversations aren't exactly definitions for 'friend'.

By the time detention ended, I felt gloomy. The weather seemed perfect, so I went outside for a walk to have a breath of fresh air, something I did much more lately...

It was silent in the bushes, when I heard a low murmur. Each step I made, I heard the murmur grow louder. It was now talking. I saw people, each busy with some sort of preparation.

"What- what is this?" I asked in confusion.

"Mikan? What are you doing here?" said a familiar voice.

_Sumire!_

"Huh? I'm just going for a walk. Why?"

"Wrong place and wrong time," Sumire said, shaking her head. It only took me about 5 seconds to understand what she meant.

I peeked behind the bushes again, only to be surprised by an amazingly huge banner saying:

"ELECTION FOR OFFICIAL NRFC PRESIDENT".

_NRFC?_

There were about 50 people, who were fussing over arranging the chairs,(how they should be in line) balloons, (which I thought was pointless to have) and so much more. There was a mini table in the very end next to a huge tree that had a couple of sweet snacks arranged neatly and decorated in unnecessarily fancy pink wrapping and ribbons. There was also a huge box in a long table at the very centre of the venue. My hunch was that there was a big raffle going on or something. The person who won got the whole table with snacks. It was the most plausible idea I could come up with, at least. The food looked more like a prize rather than something to eat.

"This… Who's the organizer?" I asked. I didn't need to wait for an explanation.

A girl around the same year as me appeared, who not only had extremely stylish and fashionable clothes, but wore pink from head to toe. She looked attractive and well-dressed, that I imagined her to sound pleasant and friendly, but the thought flew out the window the moment she spoke. She had a presence that felt like she owned the whole place. She tossed her hair to her side, and ordered a girl to 'keep moving' in a bossy manner. From seeing her just from the view of the bushes, I absorbed the details as much as possible: Her clothing was vibrant and distinguished, as well as carried authoritative attitude. She was the organizer, that was much for sure.

"That's Luna Koizumi, this event's organizer, amazingly suck-up, and the number 1 drama queen. I'm competing with her for the 'president' position for the Natsume and Ruka fan club," Sumire pointed out.

"That guy has his own fan club?! And Ruka-pyon… Wow. I guess they're pretty popular."

And then it all clicked_._ NRFC stood for Natsume and Ruka Fan Club. This wasn't a raffle either. This was an election for the club President. That explained the whole preparation for this mysterious event, then. The posters too, the ones that Sumire ripped were obviously the ones Luna used. Not to mention, the silly rhyming line...

"Oh, they are. The fan club's reached over 500 now," Sumire said, interrupting my train of thought.

"Seriously?! That's a… ridiculous amount of fans…"

"Never mind how much fans they have. Their election starts today," Sumire stated rather nervously.

"This election thing is freaking me out, though. It feels like a cult or something."

"Trust me. You're not the only one," spoke a familiar voice.

"… That voice…"

"Up here," the voice called out.

I looked up and found Natsume sitting in the highest tree branch on the tree just next to me.

"Na-Natsume-kun! What are you d-doing here?" stuttered Sumire. Her face turned red in an instant.

"It's obvious, isn't it? He's watching over his _precious fan club,_" I teased.

Natsume frowned.

"Don't say that, it's irritating," he replied sullenly.

Well _someone_ was in a bad mood.

"Hey look, I think it's starting. Permy, don't you need to-"

"I don't need to vote, so I'm not coming. It's such a big hassle," Sumire said. 

"How's the view over there?" I called out to Natsume.

"Perfect."

"OK, let me come there then."

Natsume didn't say anything, as he continued to watch the other side.

I started climbing the tree. _How does Natsume manage to climb trees this high?_

The tree was awfully difficult to climb, but somehow, I managed to make it halfway. I was new with all this climbing stuff, so that was definitely an achievement.

"Whoa," I said as the branch where my left foot was snapped, but Natsume caught me and supported me so I could finally sit on the top branch.

"Thank you," I said icily, as I turned to watch Luna and all the other club members find a seat.

"Everyone, welcome to the Election for NRFC president. I regret to say that my competition, Sumire Shouda is not here to witness this great event. It doesn't matter anyway, because she's not needed. For sure, I will win," Luna announced, smiling sweetly.

There were murmurs and whispering, but no one spoke when Luna cleared her throat.

"How can she say that?" I burst out angrily.

I was shocked to see Sumire suddenly by my right side, that I almost fell off the tree. Luckily, I found my balance.

"Eh?!! You were down there!" I pointed out. Permy, how did you get here so fast? Like a cat..."

"Sshhh," hushed Sumire, listening intently for Luna's next words.

"Everybody, let's start. I'm giving everyone sheets out. Write the name the person you're voting for. I'm just gonna randomly call out anyone to tell their reasons afterwards. The results will be shown next week. I look forward to be leading you all," she concluded, giving a bow that only belonged to royalty.

"That's… overly confident of her," Natsume said, lightening up the mood.

"It's called an overload of self-pride and importance. It's horrible," I said.

"And don't forget what I said last week, every person who votes for me automatically adds to my invitation list for my coming birthday," Luna said pleasantly.

Everyone folded their sheets after writing and handed it to a girl, which I assumed to be one of the club members who was acquainted with Luna.

Sumire looked at Luna with disgust. "She's bribing them."

"Sumire, it's alri-"

"No it's not alright! I knew it. She'd be doing something like that. She just can't play fair. She wants to be on top of everyone. And all others? They're too scared to oppose, what with her soul-sucking alice and everything. She's the worst."

"So... why won't you get down there and be the first to do that?" I said.

"To do what?"

"It's obvious, isn't it? To go against her," I stated plainly.

"Go against… her?"

Within a flash, Sumire got down the tree as if the task were extremely simple. If it was me, going down would take minutes. "_I'm surrounded by tree-climbing pros," _I thought, looking at both Natsume and Sumire.

"You think you could get their votes when you let them go in your invitation list?"

"It's called being wise. One thing you're not. That's why you can't lead a club, Shouda-san. You started the challenge. What I only did was accept. You claimed to be the president, I opposed. Now, I held a proper election. That's all."

"_This _is a proper election?" Sumire spat.

"Of course it is," she replied, taking a sip at a tea cup. Luna tilted her head upwards by a little when she had spitted her drink and almost choked. I didn't notice what was going on until her eyes widened the instant our eyes met.

Yup. Definitely sure now. She spotted us.

"Nat… Natsume-kun!!!!!" she squealed in excitement, ignoring me and the fact that I was with him, altogether. Unwillingly, we got down from the tree.

"It's- this is such a… A coincidence. It must have been fate, you know, that drove us here together," Luna said in a sweetness that was a little_ too sweet_ and overdone, that the sound hurt my ears.

"But it's not only you. Everyone else is here too," I pointed out.

"Who are you?" she snapped.

"My name's Mikan Sakura. Pleased to meet-"

Luna gave a low gasp.

"My alice is… What did you do? You… What are you?"

"I'm Mikan Sakura and I have the Nullification alice," I uttered, offended that she asked_ what_ I was.

"Get away from me."

"But I didn't do any-"

Luna's mouth twisted in distaste. Luna was about to grab my arm, but before she even got closer, a hand grabbed her instead.

His words were short, but it was enough to silence the whole place.

"Don't touch her."

* * *

**OK, finished ^^ It took me quite a long time to get it done, but here it is. ~**


	8. Letter

**Disclaimer: **Not me- I don't own Gakuen Alice.

* * *

**Chapter 8- L E T T E R**

"You didn't have to do that. It made her angry."

After our encounter with Luna, we quickly left all his fans there with Luna- Luna, her reaction was priceless. After Natsume said that he'd burn her if she'd hurt me, her mouth was left open, but no words came out. She looked shocked and a little annoyed, but it was mostly shock, as if she was wondering how someone could ever dare threaten to burn her.

"She was going to hurt you," he said. He was trying to conceal it, but I knew that he was angry.

We walked further before he spoke again. If his face revealed any emotion, I would've thought he still actually cared about me.

"You don't have to be the world's best friend, you know," he said slowly.

I laughed.

"If that were the case, I'd be holding hands here with you- which I'm not."

"I did say best friend you know? Not boy-"

"Best friends can hold hands!"

He chuckled.

"Still innocent about the world, aren't you?"

"I don't like it..." I began.

He didn't speak, waiting for me to continue. He always did that before, which was what made him more bearable than other guys. He waited. He didn't rush. I smiled. _So he hasn't completely changed._

"Having enemies, that is. I don't like having to be cautious all the time, having many people hate you. It makes you feel terrible," I said.

* * *

"What a crazy fan club," I said, walking towards my room.

Sumire just shrugged.

"The numbers just make it sound crazy. Really, the only crazy one there is Luna."

"What's this?" I said, when I found an envelope inside my room. It must have been slid right under my door.

I nearly dropped the letter before even I could even read it. Just the heading was clear enough to sum up the whole letter.

Sumire's jaw dropped in awe.

"But… This… This is…"

"There must be some sort of mistake," I said, shaking my head in disbelief.

Sumire snatched the letter from me and drew it close to her eyes, as if the text wasn't big enough.

"Are you kidding me? They're asking _you_ to become president?!"

"But I don't wanna," I said flatly.

"Are you serious? You're declining the offer?" she said in disbelief.

"I'm not a fan girl, Permy."

"You can't, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity," Sumire said, in an attempt to convince me to accept the position.

"How about the election they did?" I asked.

"The letter says they cancelled it... Ha! I bet you Luna's crying rivers."

"After all that preparation? They just cancelled it?"

"Looks like it," Sumire replied happily.

All that wasted food. All the effort to decorate the place with fancy balloons.

_Cancelled._

I sighed.

"Sumire, you should be president."

I felt it. The atmosphere was now tense and serious.

"... I've seen you there. You pushed me to stand up to her, and I would never have thought of doing that. Besides, it's a choice between Luna and you. If the choices narrowed down into that, I'd much rather it was you than her."

"And I'd much rather it was you than_ me_. I'm gladly passing on the position to you."

"Why would you… do that?"

"_As if the reasons weren't obvious enough_," I thought.

"I don't want to rule some club I don't want to lead. And what's more, it's a fans club involving Natsume," I said, with deep emphasis on the name.

"The hostility towards him is hard to understand," Sumire said, shaking her head."

"Towards _him_? How about his hostility towards _me_? That would be even more difficult to comprehend."

"What happened between both of you anyway?" she asked, frowning.

"We sort of lost contact. No, that's a milder way of putting it… He just… Left."

"Left?"

"Gone. No trace. No contact. Magical disappearing act," I said, explaining. I found myself using my hands in the process.

"Oh. Go on."

I took a deep breath. "He left for 3 years," I began, as if I were retelling some bedtime story. My breathing grew quicker, but I pretended as if everything was just fine. The memory made it hard for me speak properly. Already, I was feeling depressed, just thinking of it.

"Why the pause? This isn't one of the 'to-be-continued' ones, is it?" Sumire said, impatient.

"No, no," I laughed, trying to calm down. "It's just, it was really 3 long years of waiting… He never showed himself… Until I decided to come to this school for a change. Now, he's here too."

I continued on, Sumire nodding in comprehension.

"Facing him for the first time in a long time, there's this thick barrier. He's just so hard to approach now. I don't understand… why he's acting so coldly in front of me…"

"Ever since Natsume-kun came here, he's always been like that. So distant."

"I don't know why he's acting like that. I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to_ think," _I said in frustration.

There was momentary silence between us.

"I think he need to go back to classes now," Sumire said.

"Yeah," I agreed, not knowing what seemed would be an OK lesson, was actually going to turn out to be an invitation for a trip to the past.

* * *

**I don't know why I do short chapters lately, it's weird.**

**I'll try to update soon.**


	9. The Reason

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gakuen Alice. (Yes, I'm losing ideas for a creative disclaimer. Oh well. I suppose you already get the message).

* * *

Today was a pretty ordinary day- if ordinary was a term that even applied to the academy. Aside from Luna's so-called 'election', I wasn't late for class- an achievement in itself, considering how many times I have been late.

-And I would've been pretty happy if I hadn't learnt a thing in class. Why?

We learnt about alice types, and how an alice could shorten one's life span. Actually, I was excited to learn something new about Alices. I felt pretty good about this class, since we were actually taught something new and different.

Apparently, Natsume has the one where his life shortens. I didn't want to hear that!

Not the first thing in the morning. I was horrified. Yes, meeting him after years, he seemed so distant. He seemed so... cold. But... that didn't mean I'd be happy him always using his Alice. We had a past, too. We were good friends- The present couldn't change that.

After the explanation, we had a short Alice battle, since the teacher wanted to test us. However, the lesson hadn't even started yet when I heard a commotion at the back.

It was Natsume and some person with the Alice of air. I saw Natsume using his Alice, having a scary-looking ball of fire on his palm.

I didn't even think- I just rushed up to them, foot after foot, with my heart racing.

"Natsume! Are you insane? Do you really want to shorten your life-" 

"Stay out of this, polka," he said, his eyes not moving from the other person. I was surprised. All this time, from wearing the mask he so carefully built- for the first time, I saw it break. He was definitely mad. What could that guy possible have done to anger him?

_Wait a minute..._

_... Polka?_

"Hey! Why- you- I told you to stop calling me that!" I replied in annoyance.

"Hey, tell me, do you still go to bed with 2 teddy bears stuffed on both your arms?" he snickered.

How… How dare he….

"Well, how about you? Do you still read stupid manga or take those night walks when you can't fall asleep?"

"'I disagree. Manga is _not_ stupid, and what's wrong with taking night walks when person is having difficulty sleeping?"

"Oh, says the person who always said having those walks weren't normal."

"Wrong and not normal are two different things."

I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever you say, Natsume. And don't change the subject. Why did you attack that guy?"

"I said stay out of it."

"Would it hurt to tell me?" I asked.

It wasn't until now when I realized that everyone was watching us. It was uncomfortable.

"Stop being stubborn," he said.

"That's how I _am_, Natsume. How about you? What part of the 'old' you hasn't changed?" I burst out. Instantly, I regretted it. It was an unfair thing to say when I knew deep inside me, there was still a part of him that was there. The part of him I missed.

He paused before answering.

"There's no point in answering your questions," he replied in a cold manner. He seemed aggravated by my question. Why, I couldn't imagine.

"Oh yeah? Why so?" I asked in exasperation.

"Well, what do you see in front of you right now?" he demanded.

"I don't... Understand…"

I didn't know how to answer now. He was being confusing again.

"No matter what I say, you'd still believe what you see, won't you? Figure that out yourself- the part of me that hasn't changed, that is."

"Well you just- you just love making my head spin every night. Nice hobby of yours."

"Of course. Kills time," he said, cracking up a smile that irked me to no end.

"And you wanna know what _I'd _love to kill? That arrogance of yours," I said, miffed.

I don't know what happened. The last few days he didn't want to talk to me, and today we were fighting. How complicated could he get?

I just didn't want him to use his Alice, and he somehow found a way to annoy me. Again.

I stopped on my tracks, struck by realization.

-He hasn't changed at all.

Natsume always enjoyed teasing me, for some reason I couldn't identify. I never really minded, but now... Why? He just used to always always... He always did that. Then he was gone.

Him coming back brought back the memory of the old times- I didn't want to admit it to myself. It was I who changed, and whenever I thought about how we used to be, something inside of me snapped. _Why? Why did you have to leave? _I kept on asking that, but I didn't have any answers. I always knew I'd have to confront Natsume some day and ask why he left. I didn't want to cry, so I always tried to act tough and defend myself... and Natsume- he never backed down. That was why we always fought- we were both stubborn in our own ways.

I was feeling extremely guilty by the time class lessons ended. It was my fault. I'm not sure I could face him yet after everything- how could I face him, knowing that it was me who was at fault? I accused him of not being the same person- it was wrong and foolish to even think so. The 3 years _had_ changed me. I was wounded. Time didn't heal it- It only worsened the pain, knowing Natsume was gone for that long. I didn't want to think about it. About any of it.

* * *

Tonight was homework night for me. It was boring and difficult, but this was one of the days I had to convince myself to study and do homework. It was also one of my strategies to take my mind off things. I was never a genius, and it was just obvious that I just had to work my way up- not that I was at the very bottom or anything. I always worked in the library, because there were less distractions. It was 7:00pm by the time I started. Alice Academy's library closed at 9:00pm, so I still had plenty of time to get things done. The library was quiet during the night, by the time many students would have been having fun with whatever they did at 9:00pm.

The library was well-lit, compared to the bedrooms. I usually sat in the far right corner, next to the book shelves.

Only a couple of students were in the library. 2 girls in my class, and 3 boys from a different class. No one spoke- it felt strange since the Academy was usually so full of students talking endlessly, screaming or teasing, and on the rare occasion, fights. I was glad of the silence, and I used it to concentrate on my work.

_What is an Alice stone?_

I silently read the paragraph to myself.

When Natsume left, he had also left me something. It was always an ordinary stone to me, but it occurred to me that it was Alice stone. Koko pointed that out, too. Clearly, there was something magical about it.

Angrily, I shut the book. Natsume slipped into my head again. I was done anyway. Reading the book was just extra reading. I checked the clock- It was already 8:30pm.

The corridors were dim by 8:00pm. It was a general rule- a symbol that it was getting late and we had to go to bed. I knew what to expect when I came inside- dim lights and warmth. I was still making my way towards the path that lead to the inside.

I could see a figure from the distance. I prayed that it wasn't Natsume. I desperately wished it really wasn't him.

- Because if there was anyone I didn't want to face right now, anyone at all, it was him. I would be hurt and guilty at the same time. Those 2 weren't feelings I wanted to confront right now- particularly after I finished my work and felt accomplished. Unfortunately, not all prayers get answered, because I heard his voice.

"It's 8:30pm." He was standing right in front of me.

"I didn't ask for the time," I muttered, pushing through.

"What were you doing out there?"

"Doing my homework," I responded. "Wait a minute, what's it to you if I do my homework at 8:00?"

"I don't care whether you do homework at 8:00, 12:00 midnight or even 1:00am," he said. It sounded like his sentence was unfinished, and I waited for him to continue. He didn't.

"Why aren't _you_ in your room?" I asked, changing the subject.

"My mission."

"At 8:30? What time do you plan to get back?" I laughed.

He didn't answer.

"You're not telling me 'never', are you?" I said, my smile faltering.

He didn't answer. He just looked away.

"Well, are you, Natsume?" my voice cracked. 3 years I could handle. But never?

"No."

-And with that single answer, relief flooded through me.

"Can't you just answer straight next time? To give me peace of mind?" I said.

"You'll just have to learn patience."  
"I think I've had enough of that today. Can you just tell me why you attacked that guy?"

"You don't need to know," he said coldly.

"Why not? You used to tell me everything. You probably just attacked him for some pointless reason-"

"You don't have to know everything." That face- that voice-

"Who are you? Why are you hiding behind that… Mask?" I demanded bitterly, as I stood, waiting for a reply. I wanted so badly to break that mask, to penetrate it, so even a little, I could understand him.

"If I tell you, would everything turn back turn back to the way they used to be?"

That stung. He purposefully kept everything from me, and he didn't want to tell me because it wouldn't make any difference.

"What's wrong with you? Just because we haven't seen each other in years and you have the oh-so-cool _fire alice_, treat me like I'm some sort of idiot!"

"Every time I see you you keep on blabbering about pointless things."

Typical of him.

And once again, he turned away….

"Oh no you don't- don't you turn your back one me! You done it once, I'm not letting it happen again."

"… You think I turned my back on you?" he asked angrily.

"Isn't that what it all added up to? Natsume- you just left- even when you promised! You promised you'd contact me! I've figured you couldn't face m-me. So you thought of running away, but Natsume, why? How come you never sent a single message?"

He stared at me coldly, and for a second, I thought I didn't know him at all.

His next words weren't something I expected, so I couldn't find the words to answer.

"I- I sent you mail once. You never replied back."

With that, he left. I didn't stop him, for I knew that there was no longer reason to.

"Natsume," I called out weakly.

He stopped on his tracks. "It was 2 days before Christmas. I can recall every detail about that day. You remember?"

Before I was able to utter a decent reply, he already walked quite some distance. He wouldn't be able to hear me even if I found my voice. Or rather, the strength to even speak at all. That was it. That was why he was so distant. I always blamed him for leaving; always thought he was the one that changed. Everything is my fault. From the change to the truth- mine. Everything.

Within that moment, I felt tremendous guilt. As if my strength was suddenly pulled away, my knees wobbled and dropped to the ground, as the rain started to gently fall over the ground. The calming whooshing of the wind, and the light raindrops made my mind stretch back to those treasured memories I'd almost forgotten...

_Yes, I remember._

* * *

**It's been quite some time since my last update. 2 weeks of break is over, so the merciless pattern of HW is back once more. Enjoy the ch.!**


	10. Guilty

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gakuen Alice.

* * *

**Chapter 10- Atonement**

_Flashback 3 years ago_

_Snow. It makes me feel restless._

I was staring at the window, watching snow drop on the already snow-filled ground. I laid a bundle of paper in the desk just left of the window and yanked a blunt pencil that laid in the window sill. I didn't bother to get a sharpener it because I could already foresee that I wouldn't be able find one in my messy room. I haven't cleaned it since Natsume left, but I liked it better that way. More than anything, I hated change. Or more specifically, I hated anything that reminded me that _he _was gone. It had only been a fortnight since he had left, but I already missed him.

"Jii-chan, any messages?" I asked as I was drawing a picture of an enormously huge Christmas tree that had about a thousand tiny Christmas balls. It looked funny, but I liked it.

"Not today. There wasn't any this week either," he added, as I opened my mouth to ask another question. I bent my head down to concentrate on my drawing, but my mind wandered off in the memory of the brutal 2 weeks that had passed.

_2 weeks before_

We finished hanging out today, and we were going home. It was 9:00pm now. The teasing had died off. We were both very quiet. _Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. _The pathway was rocky, but it was a shortcut home. We lived next to each other for as long as I could remember. We were practically neighbours and a step away from each other's house, although I was never really bothered about that fact. When I realized the crunching noise beside me was gone, I stopped to look back.

"If I'd leave, you'd understand, right?" Natsume suddenly asked.

I almost stumbled in shock.

"Where did that come from?" I nudged. The thought of Natsume leaving? it was unbearable enough hearing it happen.

We usually teased each other and he annoyed me, but the topic now had an air of seriousness in it.

"... If... Maybe I'd understand if you'd give me a good reason. If you'd write to me everyday," I said with a smile.

He was still quiet. I was expecting him to say something more, but he didn't.

"Are you really leaving?" I asked, already in the verge of tears.

"Look at you... smiling one moment and then crying the next. Women," he muttered.

"Hey, I was just trying to lighten thin- Wait- You didn't answer my question," I pointed out.

"It's nothing. Just… Forget it," he said briefly, looking away. It was clear he didn't like to talk about the topic.

"It's nothing," he said, continuing to walk on the rocky path.

"If I ask you to stay, would you?" I challenged. Another short pause.

"I'll do whatever's possible," came his reply. Short and sure, but not making any promises either.

"Don't leave," I whispered, low enough only for Natsume to hear.

_Next morning_

It was a bright and sunny morning. My eyes were still tired, having slept late trying to figure out a puzzle Natsume gave me before I went to bed. It was 11:50pm already when I decided to leave all the work to the computer. Who in the right mind would leave an anagram to someone before sleeping anyway? I quickly checked the site with the anagram solver, and I patiently waited for the page to load, already hungry. Ah.. Here it is:

_Good_-

stopped short, mouth wide open. No. No. He did not just ... In a form of an anagram? I was too sleepy last night to figure out what any of it meant, but now it was perfectly clear.

_Goodbye._

_I don't have anything else to say-_

D_on't have anything else to say_? What does he mean he doesn't have anything else to say? He has a lot to explain! Angrily, I went back to reading.

– _but I couldn't figure out a way to tell you and you wouldn't yell on the top of your lungs or stop me from leaving. A puzzle is the best way I figured would buy me more time- don't be offended, though. I hope you understand._

He did have a point, but.... he could've at least given a decent farewell...Then finally, there were the

last 3 words, which I could already decipher: _In the door._

I skipped on breakfast today to check what exactly was on the door- whichever door it was.

It turned out to actually be the very main door. In the vase next to the door, was

a beautiful stone...

-,-,-,-,-,

I stayed there, feeling the growing fear and worry that he had left me. I checked on his house earlier, but the neighbors said they moved. I didn't understand how it could come so sudden.

"_But he was here last night... He was just with me..." _I wanted to yell out.

But everyone said the same thing. "You've got to accept that he's gone" or "Didn't you know? I'm so sorry", looking at me with pitiful expressions. From that day on, I prayed he would return.

_Back to 3 years ago_

My drawing was finished. I didn't speak another word after; it became a habit of mine. I began coloring it now, in pink, in purple and in every other color of the rainbow.

"What is that?" Jii-chan asked, admiring the blend of colors.

"This?" I smiled broadly. "This is hope," I said excitedly.

Within that moment, like an answered prayer or a blessing from God, an envelope was slipped under our door.

_Back to Presen__t_

I was sitting down in a chair now, my head hurting, thinking of the past.

That envelope had a letter from Natsume, and I wasn't able to read it. That day was a blur in my memory. However, one thing remained engraved in my mind: The letter was burnt.

It was a big accident. My grand father had a habit or burning letters he didn't need, and because I tactlessly left it in the table, I almost died right when he told me: "I'm sorry Mikan, it's gone." Night and day I wondered about the content of the letter. What was in it? Did it have reason he was gone? Did he leave his contact address? Each day, like a child waiting for a birthday present, I waited for a letter. Each day, too, I'd feel disappointed, because none came. He never contacted me.

Ever. Just a one-time letter, never bothering to contact me again. Maybe that was what he intended to say in his letter- That he didn't care anymore. Aside from that one letter though, I didn't hear anything else from him. I mean, one letter was hardly anything.

Change was now something I enthusiastically let in my life. I sort of got sick of such a repetitive sight and routine that I decided to enter Alice Academy as well as re-arrange furniture my room, albeit 2 years late. However, it seemed that when I finally wanted change, that was when Natsume appeared.

Changes that filled the time gap. As if there were no changes at all.

Things were just happening so fast. Within a blink of an eye, suddenly, the world that used to be huge and unfamiliar to me, suddenly turned small. Like all this time, it had already had some extra space just for me. It just took me some time to adjust to that space that I wasn't used to.

I stood up, from my seat in my room, having enough of thinking of the past.

_Dammit. _This was the future, and I accused him of changing – for all I knew, maybe the letter was an apology or an explanation... I knew at once that I had to see Natsume. Class suddenly felt dull; boring. I didn't want to go back to class, especially in the class where I had the risk of getting zapped by Jinno-sensei.

"Sumire, did you see Natsume?" I asked, before getting to my seat.

"You're asking _me_? Who's the one who was friends with him 3 years ago? Wait a minute, didn't you two just fight?" Sumire asked.

"Never mind," I said irritably, finding another person to ask.

"Ruka-pyon. Did you see Natsume?"

"Didn't he tell you?"

"Tell me what?" I asked, puzzled.

"He left for his mission."

I sat down, frustrated.

"When is he coming back?"

"Don't worry, he'll be back soon," Ruka said gently.

"Can you tell me if he gets back?"

"Something you want to talk about, Mikan?" came Koko's voice.

Instantly, I blocked him using my Alice. Can't a person have a little privacy around here? It was bad enough he read my mind most of the time.

"Aw, Mikan, that's not fair. I almost got what you were thinking..." Koko said, clearly disappointed.

"Koko, forget it," I said firmly, annoyed.

"So that guy left, didn't he?"

The voice behind me was cold and familiar, although I couldn't remember exactly where I previously

heard it...

"Better for him to not even come back," he continued. Then, I saw him. He was seated right at the left hand side of the room, at the very back.

I gasped in recognition.

"You're that guy from class! The one who had a fight with Natsume!"

"Hey, that wasn't my fault. That guy attacked me. I'm the victim here," he said, smirking.

"And to think I'd get such a reaction, when all I did was say that he was the cause of making girls cry."

I frowned.

"Is that all?"

"I could tell you, but... What would I get in return?"

Hotaru cleared her throat, making her presence known. Almost out of thin air, she drew out a weird gun out and pointed it directly at him.

"Well, let's just say... your safety. Or maybe even your life," Hotaru said.

If I knew any better, that gun could take out 10 guys out in one blow. Hotaru's inventions that resembled any sort of weapon were always100% dangerous.

He gulped- which was wise of him, actually. Anyone who even tried to act confident would get dispatched.

"W-well, I also mentioned the fact that whoever the girl who had the special 'privilege," he said using his hands to show quotation marks, "to call him by his first name was an idiot for just not getting together with him and they can have a happy ending and all those girls wouldn't cry for absolutely nothing. Heavens knows who that girl might be," he chuckled.

If Koko was right, that idiot he was talking about would be _me. _I frowned.

"What else?" Hotaru asked sharply. Immediately, the amused expression he wore disappeared.

"I was just- uh- talking about... you... and, well, let's just say it was around the lines of... unpleasant," he told me, head bowed down.

"Exact wording, please," Hotaru said, glaring.

"Okay, okay! I said.. "Hey man, look at that chic there, I'll betcha I could let her become my girlfriend in less than week", and then they all made bets and then they said 'but what after, then?", and then let's see.. I uh... I said, 'I'll go dump her, who cares' and then lightning fast, that guy burned my hat like he was about to kill me. God, I was so pissed," he spoke all that so quickly, but I understood.

"You we're just going to... 'dump' her?" Hotaru inquired, eyebrows raised. He guy looked horrified, I even felt sorry. I could understand, of course. Hotaru's unreadable expression, I perceived was more than scary, if not threatening.

"It was just a jo-"

_BOOM._

Through the thick smoke, I couldn't see much. I could hear the yelp and struggles of the poor guy. There wasn't much people in class; most people were running late. Others were confused and tried to see through the smoke.

"Hotaru, what are you-"

"Doing more than that Hyuuga did, obviously."

-And that was all it took for my focus to return back to the turn of events that had happened recently:

"_...Can you just tell me why you attacked that guy?"_

"_You don't need to know," he said coldly._

"_Why not? You used to tell me everything. You probably just attacked him for some pointless reason-"_

"_You don't have to know everything."_

I assumed he attacked the guy for a pointless reason, which wasn't true. How irritatingly accusatory ofme lately. Actually, I thought it was kind of sweet of him to do all that for me. I didn't seem to be sure about _anything _lately. I know I'd have to wait for days until he gets back- _if _he gets back (although I try not to ponder too much about that one).

-Looks like I have a lot to apologize for. Guess I'll just stay guilty the whole week.

* * *

**Probably the longest time I didn't update. I guess I could've done that sooner, but I was busy the past few days. **

**Hope you enjoy the chapter.**


	11. 3 Days Waiting

**Disclaimer: **You know the drill. I don't own it and never will.

(Did I just make that rhyme? xD)

* * *

C H A P T E R 1 1- 3 DAYS WAITING

Stars. Pretty diamonds embedded in the night sky. Tonight I counted 9.

It had been 3 days that since Natsume's mission has passed. Each day I'd look at the gates, expecting them to open any time soon. Each day I'd seek Ruka-pyon, only to be greeted by a disheartening reply as he uttered it with downcast eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mikan," he'd say every single day, with face that resembled the pitiful expressions of the neighbours who had told me that Natsume had already left the neighbourhood three years ago. Of course, I'd hope, just like the hopeful, persistent person I was.

But then again, who said there was something wrong with hoping? Hope is like thin thread. It can easily break, and it may break, but fact is, it's still there. You've just got to learn to live with it. Natsume probably still wanted me around. All the reasons for acting cold, because he thought I'd forgotten him. He probably thought I didn't care.

Today was different. At least, I believed it to be. Each new day was different, and today was when I'd check the gates and keep my ears open for any news. Some people said it was pointless. Some people couldn't understand why I even care. Some people even say that it won't make a difference. And I? I knew myself better than anyone at school even did. Each piece of news, no matter how small, made the biggest difference. News or no news, I was prepared.

"Mikan, you're not sleeping yet?" yawned Sumire.

"I'm not sleepy," I protested.

"Why do you always go to the library?"

"'Cause I get a better view of the gates," I said, then brought my finger over my lips to silence her. I tilted my head slightly in each side to see in case someone heard us.

"We're supposed to be in bed at this time," she said, then muttered something like "Why did I even listen to you?"

"Shhh. Yeah, I know. Just a little bit more, okay? He could be coming any time."

"Exactly. You can't be awake 24/7, you know. You need to rest. And so do I. You do realize we've been standing here for two hours, right?"

"Two hours? It just felt like 30 minutes. I guess time really flies."

"30 minutes? Two hours felt like _five_."

"Just a little bit more, please," I said, quietly.

"A _little bit_ more? That's what you said _an hour ago_. The only reason I allowed it was because there was still an hour left before lights-out. Now the lights really are _totally_ out."

"Relax. What do you think I brought the flashlights for?" I said coolly.

"Oh, you mean this? I think you forgot that mine's not working," she said, rolling her eyes. The flashlight I gave her was broken; its light flickered before it went off.

"Who's the fan girl now?" she said.

"I'm not a fan girl," I retorted.

"Sshhh," she silenced me.

"I'm just a worry-filled, immensely guilty ex-friend."

"Ex-friend? After all that, he's your _ex-_friend?" she said incredulously. I started explaining everything to her before, yet she didn't seem to get the issue. She didn't seem to think that there was a problem at all, just a slight misunderstanding. Misunderstanding? That was an understatement.

"Hey, don't start giving comments out yet. I say ex not because I'm an ex-friend, I just don't think he deserves me as a friend."

"You don't think he deserves you so you're here waiting for him?"

"I want to apologize," I said, and clasped my mouth, quickly after, realizing that I had been too loud. I heart shuffling of feet, but then it stopped.

"No one's coming," Sumire finally said confidently after a while. "I guess security sucks around here."

I sat back down, resting my back on the brick wall, and bringing my head down to my knees, rocking back and forth.

"Are you okay, Mikan?" Sumire asked, voice filled with concern.

"He's not coming back yet, is he?" I asked softly.

"Of course he'll be back. What do you think he's special star for? You shouldn't be so worried. I'm just sure he will. Besides, why are you so anxious about his return?"

"Because I can't take it. Do you know how guilty I've been feeling? Do you honestly know how it

feels when someone _loathes_ you? When they think you've forgotten about them and you haven't got the chance to explain? And what if they don't return?" I said in one breath, without stopping.

"Mikan, relax. To say he _loathes _you is overstating things. Natsume has been through many missions, and he always returns."

"I know. I just... I just really want to see him again," I sobbed.

"Mikan-"

"Okay, okay, I'm coming back," I finally said.

_BOOM_

"Hotaru-"

"That's 3 days now," she stated as if it were a great debt.

"I'm so-"

"You're paying for the wasted food."

"But-"

"You're making up for the wasted time," she continued.

"Fine," I said, pouting.

"I told you he wouldn't come," she said matter-of-factly.

I looked away.

"I told you I don't want to come to that dinner party thing," I explained. Two days ago, Hotaru made me volunteer to do some preparations for a little celebration to some visitors on. Supposedly, we were to have dinner to discuss who will be assigned with a task, but I sneaked out because it wasn't really a meeting and people were just talking- and Natsume could have been returning at that time.

"It's not a party, but that's beside the point. You were invited. It would've been polite at least to come."

"Sorry," I apologized. No need to add any more guilt. Suddenly, a new thought occurred to me. "Hotaru, how did you know I was here?" I asked in curiosity. She could've looked anywhere else, but she chose the library – the least likely place I'd go to-- to look for me...

"Simple. This side of the academy from the point of the gates, have the least trees that block the view," she replied.

I smiled. Hotaru knew. She understood. I didn't need to have any explanations; I didn't have to tell her what I have been doing the past few days. My best friend had an uncanny way of just_ knowing _things. I guess she wasn't just my best friend for nothing.

"Next week," she said without another word. Hotaru and her payment deadlines.

* * *

"I'm grouped with _her_?" Luna said incredulously, yet so reasonably. She could thrash a whole classroom and nobody would hate her for it. Well, outwardly, at least.

It wasn't entirely a pleasant situation for me, either. Who would find it great when you've got a group partner who detests you? I knew I shouldn't have sat near her. It was all trouble.

I haven't seen much of Luna lately, that I almost forgot the extent of the malice she held for me. Her neatly done hairstyle and manicured nails emphasized how much of a perfectionist she was, appearance-wise.

"Is there a problem with that?" Narumi sensei asked.

"No," she replied gruffly.

"So the worksheet..." I began.

"I'm not discussing anything with you," she paused, looking at me. "Why was someone as plain as you made Natsume-kun's partner anyway?"

Funny. I've been asking the same question myself. Not that doing any questioning is helping.

"I'm not doing this," she whined, flipping both sides of the worksheet, seeing how much work we had to do. It was only 2 pages, so I didn't exactly get what she had to complain about.

"This is everything we've learnt in class already," I reasoned. Why I even tried, I don't know. Any attempts to make Luna do work would be futile.

"I don't care," she muttered. Putting all forms of aversion aside, I got started. If she thought the whole world would wait for her, whyshould I?

"I imagine you liked being president, trying to get attention and getting close to Natsume-kun and all. What a shame the crown was handed to Shouda-san."

"It was never my intention to get _close _to Natsume, and contrary to what you might think, I _don't want_ to become president of that fan club. Sumire deserves president position, anyway."　

She looked at me, eyes disbelieving.

"As if. Anyone would want to be get close Natsume-kun!" she exclaimed. "And I should be president. Sumire just interfered," she bitterly spat.

I laughed.

"If I knew any better, that just spelt out 'I was defeated and I hate it'."

She glared at me in response.

By the time the lesson ended, as a group and as I already expected, we had done absolutely nothing. Individually, I finished what I had to do for myself. All she did was two questions, but then again, I would question where she was during class time if she hadn't.

The only thing that probably resulted in the lesson was her even more intense dislike for me, that I had managed to take one lesson with her without being bothered at all by being in the same group.

I went to the canteen in haste. I wanted to finish eating and return to the library. Unfortunately for me, the academy's canteen was packed today, and the line didn't seem to get any shorter.

"I'm not ordering anything. Can you move?" I heard an angry voice say.

"Mikan," Sumire said breathlessly. "Finally, I found you."

"What happened?" I asked, curious. It looked like she ran all the way to find me.

"He's back."

* * *

There was no more questioning, no more discussion or small talk. It was like drop-everything-and-go. No more words were said; I abandoned dinner altogether and just ran- which was easier said than done when you're running on a seemingly endless spiral staircase, as if there was nothing more important than to reach the destination in the shortest time possible.

"Can I talk to-"

"Popcorn, Sakura-san?" Koko asked cheerfully.

"No, thank you. Tell him I came here to discuss, not to watch a movie."

He laughed.

"You need a break, you know. Sumire told me you've been checking the window of the library everyday."

I groaned.

"Thanks so much for rubbing that one in," I replied sarcastically, and turned to give Sumire a pointed look.

"He's resting. He just came from his mission."

"What, I'm not allowed to talk to him?" I asked, disappointment filling my voice.

"It"s not that you're not allowed to talk to him… But if you value your life, I suggest you don't."

"If I value my life? What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, frowning.

"If you really want to know, then go in. But then again, since it's you..." He just shook his head.

I shrugged and turned to open the door.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded. He was sitting down in the couch, and he put his manga down on the table.

"No more 'Polka'? Or how about a nice 'get out of here'?" I asked sarcastically.

"If you don't like it here, then leave," he said brusquely.

"No, I didn't mean that... What?"

"I had no idea you liked that nickname. Don't worry, I won't forget that," he smirked.

Urgh.. How could I miss this? How could I miss his teasing, annoying jerk? Did I just wait for him for days? Right this moment, I would gladly rewind time.

"You really like teasing me don't you? I can't believe this. I waited for you each day in that cramped library, and here you are, doing what you always do, and then you-"

I honestly don't know what came up to him, but after all the confusion and misunderstanding, I found myself wrapped in a painful embrace.

"Idiot. I don't need a crying person just after my mission."

It was then that I realized that I had been crying. Traitor tears had fallen.

"It was three days!" I cried out.

"Exactly. You're acting as if it was 3 years or something."

Well, it had been three years. I knew deep inside that I wasn't depressed over the three days. All the sadness, the guilt and the hurt, it wasn't just 3 days, a week or even a month- it was piled up misery in three years.

"You've been checking the library?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

"Uh... Yeah," I admitted, flushed.

"I knew it. The moment I heard the place, I knew there was something wrong."

_Something... wrong?_

"What are you implying?"

"Simply that you're not the type to go on libraries."

It was then that my stomach decided to rumble. I just skipped dinner. Of course.

"Haven't you eaten?"

"Uh.. No. I've heard that you came back, so..."

He suddenly took my hand unexpectedly, and headed towards the door.

"Where are you bringing me?"

He stopped and looked back.

"I thought you were hungry."

"I am."

- but I remembered exactly why I waited. Why I've been crying that he might never come back. I had to apologize- and thank him.

"Natsume- I- About the incident last week..."

"You're welcome," he said dryly.

-And he walked away, dragging me off to some restaurant, wearing that annoying smirk on his face. Cocky guy.

I was just about to apologize and he completely blew off my penitent mood. Right.

I definitely didn't miss him.

* * *

**Chapter 11 finished. Around mid-June will be busy, though, but I'll try my best to update soon. ^^**


	12. Do I?

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gakuen Alice.

* * *

**C H A P T E R 1 2-** DO I?

It was amazingly warm in the restaurant as I sat comfortably in my seat. The view from the right side of the restaurant made me pity those who were out shivering in the cold. The restaurant wasn't full today, and I wondered if it was due to unpopularity, or maybe it was just ridiculously expensive. I thought it was the second one since the food didn't taste too bad, and neither was the area a less crowded one.

I had a few bites, but every few minutes, I'd look at stare at his direction. To my annoyance, he didn't utter a word the whole time. I was about to chew on a bit of pasta when-

"I thought you were hungry," Natsume said, shattering the silence. I blinked in surprise.

"I am," I said, taking another bite. Actually, he was right.

I barely touched my food, I just realized. The silence just a few minutes ago was driving me crazy, but I was scared. He was probably angry, so that's why he kept silent the whole time.

The restaurant was classy too, only a bit too classy for my taste.

"No," he contradicted. "You'd have finished it by now if you were," he observed.

"Natsume," I finally said, not able to take it. Bottle up my feelings one more time and I'd explode.

"What?"

"Haven't you been listening to what I was saying? I... The letter... I'm really sorry, Natsume," I said earnestly. I didn't want to cry again. Not in here.

"It's finished. You don't have to apologize about anything," he said as if dismissing the matter as something inconsequential and unimportant. If he didn't care, well, I did.

"Natsume, I don't think you were listening..."

"I already know everything. Koko told me," Natsume said with slight impatience.

"What? _When_?" I asked. I wonder what my expression looked like right now, because he really looked amused.

"Just before my mission. Been thinking about me a lot, have you?"

I felt my face turn red, and then he cracked up a smile.

Koko. Of course.

I crossed my arms.

"I was worried sick for days and you're making fun of me," I said, miffed.

"Can't help it, really."

Oh boy, this was going to be a long night.

* * *

"You really didn't have to do that. I could pay for it myself," I snapped. Natsume actually paid for both our orders, much to my annoyance. After everything, I really didn't want to owe him any more.

"You're wallet doesn't seem to say so," he smirked, looking at the wallet I was clutching. Why oh why did I have to spend on too much Fluff puffs last week?

"My money is just enough, thank you very much," I said, chagrined. I did spend a lot, but I had enough money to pay for it.

"Just," he emphasized. "Mine's covers much more."

"Oh just boast all about it, Special Star," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Special Star? Mr. God Almighty? How many nicknames do you intend to give me?"

"Very funny," I said, taking my purse. We headed towards the exit when it started to rain heavily.

Oh. Wonderful. Looks like I was going be soaking wet.

"Um..." I halted.

"Use an umbrella, idiot."

If I even had one. He mindlessly dragged me all the way to some fancy restaurant without giving me a chance to grab anything else, and he's telling me to use one?

"I don't have an umbrella."

I saw him take out a black umbrella and he held it up, keeping both of us dry.

"You brought one," I said stupidly. I would have smacked myself right in the head for saying that.

"Yes. And I watch the news," he said dryly.

I rolled my eyes. He was making fun of me.

"The last time it rained I was crying," I blurted out as we were walking. Well, it was true. Natsume had brought up the past after our confrontation and it was raining.

"You _always _cry," stated Natsume.

"_And you always somewhat become the reason why I do,_" I thought silently. Strange guy. He could just utter a few words and I wouldn't want to talk to him for a whole week.

My mood lightened. Things were almost back to normal now. Not that I missed his relentless teasing or anything.

"Polka."

"Can't you call me by my name for once?" I just don't get him. How the hell am I supposed to know how his mind works?

The door was already in sight. I knew what would soon follow. I expected an endless string of taunts or even the slightest provocation, which was why I was taken aback. Then again, the nickname itself was one. Natsume never missed a chance to annoy the heck out of me.

"Good night," he said briefly, almost whispering to me ear, and left before I made a reply.

* * *

It only took a few minutes before I stumbled down the stairs in my clumsiness and dusted my jeans as I walked my way up the stairs to reach my room. When I looked up, I had an unexpected visitor.

I saw Sumire impatiently waiting for me at the door, arms crossed, wearing an unmistakable scowl.

"What were you doing out there with Natsume-kun?" she interrogated. I didn't the like the tone of her voice; it sounded almost bitter and resentful. I wasn't used to seeing Sumire like this.

"We had dinner and he walked me back here," I explained.

"You had _dinner_ and you didn't tell me?" she sounded indignant. I didn't expect Sumire's outburst. For some reason, this made me angry. What did she want, really? A report of the things I do each day? She wasn't my mom. I didn't become her friend to give her a fully detailed report either.

"Permy, I didn't know where he was going to bring me to," I tried to reason instead.

"Don't talk to me," she hissed, and turned to face the opposite direction.

"What's wrong?" I asked, worried. Sumire didn't bother replying, and she remained silent, chin held up high. I swear, Sumire and her pride.

"Okay, suit yourself," I said, trying to act indifferent.

I filled my glass with water and watched as the water rose and the glass was eventually full. I sat down in the wooden chair in the kitchen and laid my back on the stone cold wall. My feet ached in these shoes, which I wasn't meant to be wearing anyway. If things ran their usual course, I would've changed and then went back to the library. I was about to take them off, when I remembered I had to ask Sumire first. She didn't like other stuff being put on her floor, and I didn't want to anger her more.

I almost opened my mouth to ask Sumire, when I thought about the whole no-talking thing. I heaved a sigh and took off my shoes one by one and placed them in the hard granite floor. Maybe it's OK to just put it in the side... Sumire saw this and from the look on her face, she may as well have blown off.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she growled. That did it. I got Sumire talking, only she was infuriated.

"I thought you weren't talking to me," I said, unable to think of a more proper excuse.

"That was 10 minutes ago."

"Alright Permy, what's up?" I finally said.

She hesitated before speaking.

"I like Natsume-kun and you knew that. You were supposed to be my friend. Friends don't steal guys their friends like."

_Steal? _I could hardly believe what I was hearing. It made me look like _I_ was the one who organized everything. It wasn't even organized and I wasn't the one who set that dinner thing up.

"Permy, I don't like him in the first place."

There it was again, that odd feeling. I said that the second time now. Still, it didn't give the feeling as if it was right.

"You say that, but it's perfectly obvious what you feel."

What I _feel_? Right now I feel accused for some serious _crime_. Did she find that obvious as well? I hope so.

Sumire didn't look like she would listen, and I didn't know what would make her.

"Look, I went to see him to apologize. I was hungry and he decided to get me dinner. Out of courtesy, I accepted. That's it. If there was something wrong with that, then I'm sorry. But don't accuse me of not being a good friend when I didn't even do anything wrong!"

I was tired. I was angry. Before I could stop it, tears had already fallen. My friend decided to hate me because of one dinner.

Slightly mollified, she left the room, and as she turned, I thought I saw something sparkle- a tear trickled down and Sumire stormed out of the room, upset.

* * *

The classroom the next day was oddly quiet. The usual class would have consisted of non-stop chattering, the occasional wreaking of havoc and students who come crying to the very unhelpful assigned teacher, which mostly wasn't there anyway. They'd either leave the class screaming for help or jump off the window. Okay, maybe not jump off, but something around those lines. The disorderly class today was nowhere in sight.

I turned to face Ruka-pyon.

"What's everybody so quiet for?"

"If it helps, look on your right," Koko said from my left, grinning. Natsume was lying down, just like the first day I saw him, manga resting on his face. He looked like he was sleeping, but if it was Natsume, there was really no way of knowing.

"They're quiet because of him?" I said, almost appalled.

"Happens after every mission," Ruka said with a laugh.

"Can't you be a nice little girl and shut up?" Natsume said aloud. So much for the idea of sleeping.

"And be like the rest of your overly obsessed fan girls? I don't think so."

"Jealous, Polka?" he asked, with what I imagined, a smirk.

"_No_!"

Which brought me back to the thought that had been bugging me...

Sumire told me I like him. I told her I don't. From what happened in the past week everything didn't make much sense... All I knew was, he infuriated me, and it was the same likewise.

I don't like him. I don't.

Do I?

* * *

**The chapter looks long in a word processing document, but it's actually less than 2000 words. Still, I'm pretty happy with this chapter.**

**I'd love to hear some reviews. ^^ Thank you!**


	13. A Little too Cryptic

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gakuen Alice.

* * *

**C H A P T E R 13- A LITTLE TOO CRYPTIC**

Exam time was over.

Now it was results time. The feeling was not pleasant. It never was.

The deep sinking feeling and pessimism that lingered just before I nervously took a look at my paper was the worst. The way my stomach churned and I didn't want to open my eyes... I hated that feeling. I hated thinking that I knew the result, when what I had felt was only an assumption; a guess.

Countless of times I'd covered my paper as soon as I received it, feeling sure that I'd fail it when I flipped it. 99% of the time, however, I had been proven wrong. I didn't know what my fears were, but all the same, it was never a pleasant event for me. I studied, but result time usually scared the hell out of me. I believed I'd fail and get so bad that I'll end up getting expelled.

"Mikan, it's only _one_ look," Koko said yet again.

"_No_!" I objected vehemently, covering my work protectively.

"She thinks she'd fail. There was one time when she didn't check it for a whole 3 days," Hotaru muttered from behind.

"Speaking of 3 days, that would be the number of days Sumire hasn't talked to us. She still moping?" I said with a frown. "I can't believe she still doesn't want to talk," I said, slowly sliding my paper in my exercise book.

"Nice try. I still want a look of that paper," Koko said slowly.

"I think I saw a number 2 in there. Mikan, I don't think you'd be capable of failing this. You really studied for that test," Koko said persistently.

I shook my head fiercely. "I'm sure I must have messed up that Multiple choice bit. I think I did well with that writing part, but I think I got section 1 all wrong."

"Natsume, can't you convince her she didn't fail?" Koko called out, asking for help._ No. Don't call Natsume. Don't._

My eyes were closed and my fingers were crossed.

Don't. Come. Near. Me.

"I don' know. I'm not even sure this idiot could even pass," Natsume responded with a smirk.

"Hey, you were supposed to be helping me," Koko groaned in defeat.

My rage exploded.

"I'm capable of passing!" I argued, and without a single second of hesitation, I flipped to check my result quickly. "See, Natsume? I got a 25 out of 30! I got... I- I passed," I cried in relief. Koko looked back and forth at Natsume and me.

"That was all? We've been trying to get you to check your mark, and all we had to do was tell you that you _can't _pass?" Koko said incredulously.

It probably wasn't the statement itself. It was more of how and who said it.

I've been avoiding Natsume lately, in hope that it would appease Sumire even for just a little bit, but she never said anything. Of course, it wasn't like avoiding Natsume was a good plan. Somehow I'd always find myself next to him the next day, either getting teased at or apologizing. Quite obviously, today was not the latter.

"OK, bye, I need to go, uh, do homework!" I said, thinking of the first excuse that came in mind.

"But we didn't get any homework," Koko said. My cheeks flushed.

"No, I meant advanced studying," I made up.

"We don't have any tests coming soon," Natsume said. Uh-oh. I was busted. It was no use to even try to deny. He gave me a piercing glare that screamed "Are you avoiding me?"

My panicked eyes must have given everything away, for as soon as I left the room (I was running for my life), he was following me. I ran, but he caught up.

"Wait," Natsume said, holding my arm tightly.

"Let go, Natsume," I said, wary. I looked left and right, hoping Sumire wasn't around to see this. Best not to look at him directly in the eyes. My heart gave a little jump again, when I thought the weird feeling would stop the past few days. It didn't. I heaved a sigh.

Okay, so maybe I _did_ like him. A little. Kind of. Wait- what am I even thinking? This was Natsume I was talking about. Natsume, my _friend_. I didn't like him. I didn't? I _don't_. Heck, what does like even mean?

"What's wrong?" he asked, holding my chin up gently. For a minute, it startled me.

"Nothing," I lied, pulling his hand away.

"I don't believe that." Did he always have to know what was going on?

"And why not?" I challenged.

"Well, for one thing, you're not looking at me directly in the eyes."

He even observed that, too.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked angrily.

"It matters, because it makes me think that you're avoiding me on purpose."

I swallowed nervously.

"I'm not avoiding you."

My fingers were crossed behind my back. Stupid, stupid lie.

"You're doing a terrible job of it then," he snickered.

"I'm not avoiding you!" I reiterated, annoyed.

"Prove it."

"P-prove it?" I stuttered.

"2:00pm tomorrow at Central Town," he said in one breath. He left me speechless and astounded.

_Huh?_

He didn't just ask me out, did he? Because I couldn't. It was a form of betrayal to my friend. I hurt her once, but it wasn't like I did that all on purpose. Now that I know about Sumire's feelings? No, it wasn't okay.

* * *

"Natsume asked you out? He never asks anyone out," Koko said, reading my mind.

I just can't understand why he's making a big deal out of all this. Or why he's even reading my mind at all.

"Can you stop that?" I said, annoyed.  
"Are you going?" Hotaru asked, interested.

"Well, he left."

"But you sound like you don't plan to," Hotaru observed.

"How could I? The last thing I need would be finding Sumire at my doorstep, saying-"

_BANG_

A fierce expression and an irate face faced me.

"Are you going out on a date with Natsume?" she said, glaringly.

This was _exactly_ what I feared. How had she known, exactly?

"Sumire-"

"I was there. I saw. Mikan, I trusted you," she said, hurt showing in her face.

This was just unbelievable. I already avoided Natsume like the plague, I would've reluctantly refused the invitation had Natsume stayed any longer, and I've even put up with everything, expecting Sumire to finally calm down and talk to me.

"Maybe I don't want a friend who blames me for something I'm feeling. I can't help it, Sumire," I said. Thankfully, my voice didn't crack.

Her eyes widened as if I made such a sudden admission.

"You... like him too... I knew it," once again, she left the room in awkward silence, and left me feeling empty; like I did something terribly erroneous.

"What just happened?" Koko asked, shattering the silence.

"What happened, is that my friend hates me. She won't even talk to me now," I said, upset.

* * *

I vacillated between going and not going, but then, I came anyway, although I couldn't say I was in a good mood.

"You're shaking," Natsume acutely observed. Well, wasn't that obvious.

"I'm mad!" I suppressed a yell.

He snorted. "I had no idea there were still people who use that word."

"What's wrong with 'mad'?" I demanded. Mad was a perfectly harmless word.

"Nothing you have to lose sleep over," he murmured.

_Nothing_? But there was something. Too childish? Too... I don't know, mild? I couldn't help it if this was how I was. Everyone else seemed to blame me for things I had no control of, lately.

"I'm just- sick of everything," I said, standing up, ready to leave. I suppose I really wanted him to stop me, although it was a ridiculous thought. No, I wanted to leave. Really.

But no matter how much I tried to convince myself, I wasn't sure I really wanted to.

"Wait," he said, holding my hand. It was as if a jolt of electricity shot through between us. I immediately withdrew my hand.

"I've already been waiting for three years. I think I've done enough of that."

We weren't talking about the present anymore, and what was I waiting for, really?

"Can't you just- quieten down a little?" he said, a little too brusquely. The way he said it made it sound like a direct order. I guess I wasn't trying to suppress the tone of my voice anymore. It wasn't fair. I had been through a stressful week.

Let me see. I was still confused about my feelings, my friend now hates me, and I faced a guy who I swear I never usually get along with. I would've tripped the next person who'd order me not to vent.

"_No," _I argued stubbornly.

"Obviously not."

Wait a second- I said so myself- I was with the guy I never got along with. I was pretty sure he didn't feel anything about me but irritation.

"You don't like me," I stated abruptly. It wasn't a question. It may even be an understatement. "You hate me," I corrected.

He turned to me, at first confused, and then back to that unreadable mask he so often carried.  
"Idiot. Didn't you learn anything in these 3 years?"

"What should I have learnt then, Natsume? Enlighten me."

"I don't hate you," he said, sounding offended. "Maybe you shouldn't start making assumptions either. Who knows that trouble an idiot like you could stumble on to."

It could've been a joke, but he sounded dead serious.

"Don't lecture me, Natsume. You don't know what it felt like to think that you didn't care. It… It hurt. It hurt because it felt as if you forgotten all about me. When every single damn day since you've left, I've been waiting for a letter, and slept behind the telephone waiting for it to ring. It hurt because when you saw me for the first time in a long time, I thought you'd recognize me. But you didn't."

Suddenly I felt the strange urge to blurt it all out. It was a ton of feelings that swelled and swelled, until I felt the need to say all of it. I already did once, and I accepted it was all my fault. Still, I didn't get a chance to have a good confrontation since then. I refused to cry. I promised myself I wouldn't. Not in front of Natsume. I refused to even let the tears touch my cheeks. I tried to-and quite admirably resolute, I might add- put as much effort into not crying. In fact, I almost felt grateful that I didn't feel the wetness or felt tears trickle down.

"How would you know that?" he hissed.

"I didn't! Because you didn't even talk to me! How am I supposed to understand you, Natsume?"

"I recognized you back then," Natsume said after a pause.

"What do you think I should have done? Set up welcome banners or give you a hug? You know I do neither of those." The intensity of his gaze sent me shivers down the spine. For the first time in years, I was at a complete loss at what to do.

It was clear what those eyes said, too: I'm got going to change. Well so what? Neither was I.

I swear I slammed the door so hard that I thought its hinges would break. I wanted to cry now, but I decided I wouldn't, until I was safely back in the comfort of my room.

Koko, who I had no idea, been listening, teased, "Natsume gone a little too cryptic for you?"

* * *

**I have mixed feelings about this chapter, actually. Anyway, I'm just happy that it's the holidays, although I don't know if that means more update or less. Give me more school work and there's less writing time, give me more free time, and I might just waste it. **

**Anyway, enjoy the chapter. =)**


	14. Matter of Change

**C H A P T E R 1 4- MATTER OF CHANGE**

_It was an empty classroom, eerily silent and a little bit chilly. Everyone had left, rushing towards the door, because tomorrow was another weekend._

_Natsume promised we would meet up later today, so I went ahead. I dropped my pen somewhere in the hall or the classroom today and I tried to find it._

_I searched under the teacher's desk, the tables and even the small space under the wooden bookshelves; there was no sign of my pen. I guess you could say that my pen had some sentimental value. Hotaru gave it to me when I cried because someone stole my blue pen. I then stopped crying and she never asked back for it._

_I heard footsteps and I quickly slid between shelves, switching the lights off. If it were a teacher, I would get instant detention. I thought I saw a flicker of light, but I looked back and it was gone. When a hand lightly touched my shoulder, I opened my mouth for a scream, but a hand quickly covered my mouth, blocking the noise. I quickly turned around and to my relief, I saw Natsume._

"_I'm right here, baka."_

_I think I almost cried. I think I tried to tell him to never to do that again, too, but my words were muffled as I hugged him for comfort. He pulled away and for a brief moment, I was confused. He then held up his hand, and I saw my pen._

"_You have a habit of leaving pens in notebooks," he said, rolling his eyes._

"_Thanks, Natsume!" I said brightly, opening my pencil case a little bit, and slipping the pen in._

"_Let's always stay together," I whispered. I didn't remember much, because I was starting to drift off to unconsciousness._

_It had escaped my mind that at that time, he didn't reply. It was only a shoulder he lent me, not a promise._

"Wake up."

Get up, Mikan. Natsume's telling you to...Oh.. So... sleepy...

"Wake up," the voice said again. It took me a full minute to realize that it wasn't Natsume who spoke to me anymore.

I tried to push the shaking hands away. I was just so tired...

I tried to switch to a comfortable position, when I felt something cold touch my head and I gasped in surprise. One of Hotaru's inventions- an ice pack that always stayed cold. I asked her to make one for me before, but I lost it and she refused to make one again.

My eyes remained shut. Had I just fallen asleep?

"What - did - you," Hotaru said, kicking some books on the ground, "Do to your room?"

She narrowed her eyes cautiously, picking up the bit of paper that flew beneath her feet from the impact of the kick.

"The very first Alice user?" she read, raising her eyebrows. "Since when did History become your favorite subject?"

"Nah, I was just bored," I said sleepily, turning to a more comfortable position once more. "I may hate History, but it's nice to know some people learn from it," I said lazily, pushing the blankets closer to myself to keep me warm.

"It's Hyuuga, isn't it? Shouda, too."

I smiled. Hotaru knew me too well.

Then it struck me.  
"Hotaru, aren't you late for class?"

"No one came yet. Teachers always come late. Hurry up, we have 5 minutes."

"You left class for me?" I said, touched.

She shrugged nonchalantly. Typical of Hotaru.

"You didn't come. I had to wonder if you helped a lost bunny in the way again."

Hotaru was worried about me!

"I'll be quick," I grinned, slowly getting up to fold my creased blanket.

***

Turned out we got lucky enough and we weren't late.

By the time class started, there was something tugging at my memory- I couldn't remember my dream. When I walked into the classroom and saw Natsume, a ton of feelings spread through me: hurt, joy, anger and a strange longing. The moment I sat down, I recalled everything about the dream. I didn't know what to feel. How could a person both irritate you and make you happy at the same time? It made no sense.

The memory had made me feel how much I missed the the past. Things were so simple. Back then, there was no such thing as an Alice, no misunderstandings. And the letter he left... I never knew what it said. Sometimes I wish I could rewind time. If I had read it, what would it say? Would it be an apology? An address to contact him? Or was it short and cryptic?

He told me that he recognized me back from day one in the academy. When I criticized him for leaving me and causing me pain, he told me he sent me a letter.

Whenever I thought about the things I said two days ago, I wanted to go back to Natsume and apologize. But what would I say, really? When I tried to call him a couple of times, he didn't even answer. He was probably having fun just looking at his ringing phone.

-Which was why I was surprised when he came to me by the end of class.

"We need to talk," he said in a rough, low voice.

"You want to talk now?" I said, packing up. I called him many times and he didn't even answer. Now he wanted to talk?

I missed him, had made myself study because of him, and he came to me. Still.

After the thousandth time my loud voice yelled at him.

"Natsume, you just hurt my friend." Thinking of Sumire and how down she'd been lately, I couldn't just celebrate.

"And what exactly do you want me to do about that?" he growled. He demanded an answer- Except that I didn't have one. I sucked in a deep breath.

"I don't know. I don't know. But this whole thing is driving me crazy. I'm tired." Of staying away. Of fighting.

"Of course. You've been studying again."

God, was anyone going to stop pointing out my study habits? Besides, I was pretty sure I had enough of History, so no more studying for me. All this studying, I realized, really had drained me.

"Get some rest," he said, before he flung his bag on his shoulder.

* * *

I was heading straight back to my room, when I saw Sumire waiting for me next to my door.

"Permy? Why are you...?"

"Hotaru tells me you've been burying yourself in the confines of your room studying _History_."

She didn't look at me, but her voice sounded a tad bit guilty.

Way to rub in my recent study habits.

"Are you talking to me now?" I asked hopefully.

"Maybe."

"I'm really-"

"Don't apologize," she cut across. I was waiting for another outburst, except she didn't look angry. "When you've been torturing yourself with study, I've also been thinking. I... I shouldn't have made you do all that. I was supposed to be your friend. I... I'm sorry Mikan."

I knew it was difficult for her to say that. She always liked Natsume from the start. "I mean, I should've known that you like him from the start anyway, but still, I-"

"I_ like_ him?" I cut across. Whoa, where did that come from?

She looked momentarily dazed. As if reality just began to sink in, she exclaimed, "You're _kidding_!"

Sumire's phone began to ring. "Hello? Oh!" Sumire's eyes widened in recognition. Huh. Must be someone pretty special to get Sumire worked up. "S-sure. Yeah.... I will! See you later!"

* * *

"I don't normally make it my business whether people end up together, but this is plain stupid. Even Hotaru agrees with me. When I remember what being a friend is, you still try to forget your feelings."

"How could you play the hurt best friend and match-maker at the same time?" I grumbled.

"I'm only doing this the way I know how. I'm trying, OK? It's not easy, so at least make my sacrifice worth it."

It seemed like fixing my hair wasn't enough. I had make-up on, lipstick, perfumed and apparently, Sumire didn't like my wardrobe too.

"And you won't tell me where we're going. And I got the impression the caller wanted to date _you_. So how does that work out, huh?" I asked, trying to shift attention back to the topic Sumire avoided: the caller. Sumire pretended to focus on fixing my hair. Or looked like it at least.

"You'll see," she said with a smirk as she completed the braid and tied my hair tightly on the elastic.

"And this caller is so top secret you can't tell me?" I asked, raising my eyebrows

"Mikan, please."

"Okay, I'll shut up," I mumbled, still trying to guess who it was. I shifted my attention to the design of the vase on my right, which was printed in a colorful pattern of petals that surrounded the vase.

* * *

"Remind me why I need to go instead of you again?" I asked, arms crossed in the leather seat. I didn't really want to go outside. Partly because it was cold, and mainly because I felt I wasn't meant to be here. Not really.

I was now in the car in the said location, contemplating on whether I should go or not. All this business seems a little fishy to me, and the caller was still unknown.

"You're going, because I did this all for you. Because it's what's right. Don't mess it up, you better make it darn worth it for me to waste my time on. Now if I have to refresh your memory again, you might have to walk all the way home," Sumire said under her breath.

"That wasn't a reason," I groaned.

"Too bad, you'll have to accept it. Just don't forget to hit him in the head for me."

"You want me to hit your date in the head," I repeated, dazed. "But why?"

"Just go, Mikan," she said with a smile that spread on her face. She was making an effort, even if it hurt her. Just what kind of person did that make me?

She gave a light push and I left the car, walking towards an familiar gravel path. I heard the door shut and the sound of the leaving car. I looked back, and Sumire was smiling.

I continued on walking. It really shouldn't have been so hard to spot.

I honestly don't know what I expected, but I saw it, and I froze. Fancy dinner. Flowers. Natsume.

"Nat..Natsume? Why are you...?" He called Sumire. It was meant to be Sumire in here. Feelings ripped open- shock, hurt, realization.

Everything pieced together. "_You're going, because I did this all for you. Because it's what's right," _Sumire's voice echoed in my mind. Before I knew it my eyes were filled with tears again. Natsume broke the silence.

"I think I should be asking that question. But since you're here..."

Immediately, I turned to run back.

"Where are you going?" he said, gripping my arm.

"Sumire... Maybe I can still call after her..."

"We just saw the car left. But you're crying again, I've noticed."

"Doesn't matter. So... You wanted to date Sumire after all," I commented. I went on. "Oh yeah, I've noticed. You've got flowers and a fancy table set up. And you said you don't do welcome banners when in reality, Natsume, this is pretty damn close." I think at the moment, I understood when Sumire asked to hit Natsume in the head.

I stared down at my feet and took it as an opportunity to actually _hit_ him. "This is for Permy," I said throwing off one of my high heels, "and that's"- I took the other off and threw it, "for me!"

Once more, Natsume ducked. "You didn't say I'd hug her," Natsume observed, ignoring how the heel hit the wall behind him. I raised my eyebrows.

"Would you have, Natsume?" I briefly recalled the last thing Natsume said when we argued: _What do you think I should have done? Set up welcome banners or give you a hug? You know I do neither of those._

He smirked. Unexpectedly.

"If that's what it takes so you two could just make up already, then yes, I believe I do have that choice."

His reply surprised me. It revealed one thing: He did it so Sumire and I would become friends again. I said earlier that I was tired. He understood that- I wasn't really tired about studying. In truth, even unspoken, he understood.

"You mean..."

"I'm not interested in Shouda. I don't do flowers and dinners. You asked me to do something," he said, shrugging. "You're pretty quick to assume. But then, I shouldn't have been surprised." He glared at me coldly.

"No. Wait. What's that supposed to mean?"

"You came here telling me about how you were hurt, like only you have the right to. I thought you were angry. I gave you time. I gave you three years."

I didn't yell at him, telling him I understood what it was to hope and to wait, but nothing ever came. I didn't run away, saying I've had enough. I did have enough of everything, which was why I was staying where I was.

"Ever since the first day you've been avoiding me," was the first thing I said. He did recognize me, but what difference did it make? He didn't talk to me. He made me feel like I was forgotten.

As if suddenly a new thought occurred to him, a smile curved his lips.

"Something funny? Do share."

"I didn't miss your reaction to me dating Shouda."

"Which reminds me, maybe I need to go home and fetch her. I'm sure you would've loved that," I said, mid way to standing up.

"Sit down," he commanded, as if it'd make any difference.

"Hyuuga, do I look like one of your fan girls?" I said with growing irritation.

"No," he said with disbelief. "And I can't believe you'd even _think_ that I'd think that."

"Then why order me?" I demanded. He looked like he was about to retort, then his features softened.

"Mikan."

The mention of my first name staggered me. It had been a long time since he called me that. I was a little shocked.

"Any 'please'?" my stubborn nature couldn't help but ask. Somehow, it gave me the satisfaction to hear him give a reluctant 'please' in response. I laughed and punched him in the shoulder lightly.

"Natsume- It's- It's different now. I'm not going to be the girl who always likes pink. I'm not going to be the girl who likes reading fairy tales. I'm going to be me, and three years won't change that."

"I'm not asking you to change," he said softly. "I won't, either."

"Promise?" I said.

For a moment, he didn't answer, as if hesitant. "You know better than that."

-And I understood. I knew better to know that not all promises are kept. You don't just say a promise- You fulfill it, and nothing was better to prove it than by doing it itself.

"Just like the old times?" I asked.

"Yeah."

I smiled. Indeed it was.

* * *

Time was a funny thing. It twisted, controlled, healed, developed, grew, and altered so many things. It dragged on and on without rhyme or reason. Sometimes I hated its very existence. Time allowed so many memories to fade yet created new ones. It changed you physically and mentally. It prepared you. It hurt you, ate you up, sometimes dragging on, as if laughing at your long stretch of patience.

What's more, time tested you. If it was generous enough you'd be lucky to be even breathing.

Time was a matter of change.

It was as a complicated and as simple as a matter of survival, of healing and of acceptance. If you survived, it meant you were strong enough. If you healed, it meant you were no longer broken. If you accepted, it meant you could move on.

If you got through all the three, then you passed its test.

* * *

**(A/N: No update for a looooong time. Longest ever, and I'm so sorry!! Now it's finished and I'm so happy that I could now study without putting off any writing. If August sucked, September sure did and October sure will. Thank you to all those who reviewed. Every review is very much appreciated. I apologize if this chapter sucks. But I don't regret writing it though, because I had too much fun with it. ^_^**

**Thank you!)**


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